Week 9 Day 1. Early to bed.

I have not been giving my body what it needs. I've been eating high day, high salt, high sugar foods, and not sleeping enough. So tonight, I'm remedying that. I'm going to bed NOW, 7pm, and hoping for some awesome dreams.

Week 8, Day 5. These weeks just get away from me!

I managed to keep it together today and I'm so glad because I officially have 28 days left before I'll be poolside.

I slept from 7:45pm to 3am, then 4:45am to 8:45am, hitting the snooze from 6am on. Yeah. I should have done ANYTHING other than sleep for 4 min intervals for 3 hours, but that's what I did.

I skipped breakfast. I had very little choice since I got up so late. At 11:30am I had chicken, a salad, and a piece of bread with butter.  At 3pm I had chicken and kale fried in coconut oil. Awesome. So crunchy!

At 6:30pm I had eggs with peanut butter. I probably could have just had the eggs and would have enjoyed it more.

Then I got groceries and FINALLY got to the gym by 8:20pm. I did pops...5 on the treadmill (30 secs on 9.5mph at 3.0 incline) and 5 on the stairmill (30 secs at 11...except for the last one, which I did on 12...cause I freaking rock). Then I wanted to do SOME lifting just to try to build muscle. First, I did two sets of pullups, although I needed a breather! In between the pullups, I did dips, but I probably shouldn't have stood on the bar that negates your weight. It was too easy.

Then I did squats with 40 lbs. I did 19 full reps, then 8 pulses, which killed. I did another set but only made it to 11, and did another set of pulses.

I thought about doing something else. But that's as far as I got. I was done.

I caught a sideview of my tricep and shoulder, and I'm really starting to firm up! Very exciting!

It is past my bedtime. Good night.

Week 8, Day 4. 29 days to go!

I want to say I couldn't follow my plan today, but I know it's more empowering to say I chose not to.

I did get up and jog for 15 minutes.

My plan began unraveling at meal #2. My apple was bad from the inside out. I was SO upset about that.

I decided to go to Wegman's to get red lentil chili...my justification ess that I needed carbs because I didn't get my apple.

I was able to put off eating the chili for awhile, I thought maybe I would completely resist it! But around 2pm, I ate it.

I was SO TIRED by 12pm because u only got 5hrs of sleep last night, that my brain stopped working. I stopped being able to walk in straight lines. I stored being able to tell the correct time on a clock that is set ten minutes fast.

I couldn't concentrate.

All I really wanted at the end of the day was a glass of wine (or 3) while I read the Sandusky Freeh Report.

I could consider it a win that I managed to buy/consume exactly zero alcohol today.

I went to Wegman's at 6:45pm. I first ate a healthy portion of "honey bbq chicken" bc I figured it would help slow down the resr of the carnage.

Alvin and the Chipmunks movie was playing. I had the wokery food: two small pieces of sesame chicken (saturated in sugar, I know) coconut chicken, a little fried rice, a spring roll, a little macaroni and cheese (I'm a sucker for it) and one pierogie. Then most of a choc chip cookie. And a diet soda.

I can confidently say that I'm dehydrated and exhausted, so I plan on going to bed early and getting my day off to a good start.

Week 8, Day 3. 30 days to go!

I did really well today, despite challenges.

I meant to get up and run at 7am today, for no reason other than the good feeling of clearing your brain and being outside before work.

But I didn't.

I will change that. Tomorrow I WILL get up and run before work and I will reward myself with something I REALLY want...hmmm...maybe take 30 minutes to stroll through Arts Fest and BUY something. Although I'd really like to buy EITHER The Book Thief (i will buy this, I just am not sure when) or The Last Word on Power, which we used tonight in the life-coaching class I'm taking.

Hmmmm.  A reward that I will jump out of bed for...bikini shopping? Finding one I can invision myself in? Getting an idea of what stores to visit in order to find a quality suit? Planning and committing to a shopping trip...THIS WEEKEND???

That might work.

Anyway, today I knew I needed to work out at 5pm today...lifting session on an empty stomach.

I did SO WELL today. I'm using the tricks I used when I was quitting smoking to  stay the course on this diet.

Although, quitting smoking is EASIER! You either HAVE a cigarette or you DON'T. And every time you don't have a cigarette, you work on lowering  the amount of nicotine in your system, which will eventually lead to not having cravings at all.

Eating well isn't as simple.

But I used the "I'm special" line with myself. I'm not going to elaborate because it sounds silly, but it works and it gives me the strength I need to say no when I need to and yes when I need to.

For clean eating, I didn't do perfectly. I had shrimp fried in coconut oil (OMG YUM). 11, to be exact, which is probably a serving and a half of protein. I could say that I couldn't stop myself, except I did.

There were three more begging me to eat them, but I didn't.

I had a salad as well, no dressing, some cashews, probably more than a serving, (oh and I snuck 2 corn chips and 5 or 6 little pieces of pretzelly things from a chex mix bag).  I also fried up a little yellow squash in the coconut oil...which MIGHT be the most insanely delicious thing I've eaten all year. No breading, just sauteed. It probably served more as a carb. Then I ate ONE peanut butter girl scout cookie. It wasn't even very good! How disappointing!

Then I ate ONE piece of dark chocolate that I know was fine, I bought the bag for students recently, but it tasted rancid to me.

THEN I went to a friend's house and had two glasses of red wine. Oops. I think I might pay for that.

But, I wanna get up and run tomorrow anyway. I'm really liking how my belly looks these days and I want to hold onto it!

I was supposed to do pictures and a wrap today, but my partner-in-crime is not available, and may not be until Saturday.

So. Another day!

Week ... I don't remember. But 32 days to go!

At the moment, I'm very tired and grumpy and hanging on to today's victory for five more minutes so I can write this and go to bed.

Here's the story:
I got terrible sleep last night. Terrible. I wanted to get up at 6am and run. Ha! What a joke.

I did however get up at 7:30am and "glorified walked" for 15 minutes. My goal wasn't to get in a hard work out, but to simply get in the habit of getting up and working out again.

I ate three meals:
8:30am breakfast
11:30am snack
2pm meal with kale shake

After that, I didn't have another opportunity to eat (it is now 10:23pm) because I was teaching.

I git very hungry and very tired and wanted nothing more than alcohol and pizza.

I did, however, look at my belly in the mirror and decided I wanted to keep it that way...so I didn't let the thoughts about Pizza Hut fester and grow. That's how they get ya.

Instead, I focused on wearing a bikini in public...something some people can do with no problem (although I don't know too many of those people) and how I want to look when I do it.

A 30 day goal is pretty motivating, I must say.

That's all for today.

Week 8, Day 1. 32 days left!

I didn't blog for the past couple of days because I ended up eating A LOT of popcorn at the movies (Spiderman...not totally my thing, but I liked the subtle changes...I thought it would be a Spiderman story I hadn't heard yet) THEN getting a Baconator at Wendy's and ice cream!

The good news is that on Sunday, I did indeed get up and do intervals before I ate. Albeit, I avoided it until nearly 12:30pm (which is not ideal...ideal is eating at the same predictable time every day). Regardless, I killed it on the elliptical. I was serious about avoiding hard work until after I did my first 30 second interval. Then I cranked it. I put the resistance on 13 for my pops and 8 for recovery. By 9 I wondered if I could go on. I did, although I could not manage the intensity (pace-wise) of the pops, but I was absolutely winded and my quads were depleted.

Also, when I work really hard, for some reason, I get terrible uterine cramps that will not subside unless and until I take a breather. So after 9, I took an extra 30 seconds to recover, and the cramps only returned slightly, but by then I was done! I don't know why that happens. Sometimes I get breakthrough bleeding too. No one has been able to explain this to me. I call it my leaky cervix. Anyway, TMI. I'm glad I'm not posting this on FB!

So then Sunday I ate well until I went out to dinner for my friend Linsey who is leaving her job. We went to Rotelli's. I was TIRED from my workout, which explains my choices: a glass of red wine, caesar salad, and chicken parm. And IT WAS DELICIOUS! Amy says to remember that there are no "bad" foods/food choices. Just to remember what you're choosing when you eat fried chicken...that you're probably going to have some extra calories in your system.

So, I was all on point to take care of those extra calories by getting up and running early. Until I didn't go to bed on time and consequently didn't get up on time.

I forgot, I even drove out to Wegman's to get cheesecake after dinner. I will say that I had a $10 cheesecake in my right hand and a container of lemon poppy seed scones in my left...but turned around and walked out with a single slice of cheesecake. Which I call a win. I was deeply satisfied with that choice.

Anyway, so I woke up feeling crappy. Allergies got the best of me and I just didn't feel rested. I was pissed off that I didn't get my workout done and hit snooze for two hours (any wonder I didn't feel rested!) and just felt defeated. Like today was an insurmountable obstacle I just couldn't get over. I totally planned on having pizza and more fried chicken.

But apparently that reaction is weakening.

All it took was one inspirational posting on Facebook to remind me to just take ONE small step toward my goal.

I did that, and voilà! The rest of the day I ate pretty clean and even managed to go to Kerry's class, even though it took some serious effort to get there on time. And my legs weren't shaved, which has totally stopped me from attending class before. I worry that everyone will judge me (even wearing pants, at some point my legs show) for not shaving. But now, even if they do, I try to remind myself that it's not a good enough reason to skip class.

So. It's 9:44pm and I'm ready for a great day tomorrow. And I'm hungry. This is a good sign.

Week 7, Day 5. 36 days to pool-time!

Today I had the day off. I went fire a short little jog BEFORE breakfast at 9am. Man. I am supposed to be earthing breakfast at 7am and therefore running at 6am.
Whatever. I did it.

Then I ate breakfast around 9:30am, but didn't have lunch until 2pm (but I did have two coffees) and then I ate dinner at 5:30pm thinking I would be in bed early.

At 8:30 I went for another short little jog...maybe a half-hour. I wish it would rain!!! So humid!

Today was the first of 3 WHOLE DAYS of not working IN A ROW.

All I did today was eat, workout, and read. Tomorrow I might clean, write, workout, and visit the library. Maybe do some reverse engineering on this bikini body goal.

I know I should get up in time to go to Kerry's yoga class, but I just don't know if I will. I'm sure it would provide good pushups and lunges...and I know I'll feel amazing afterward...it's just that I know it's going to be tough and I'm going to wish I could leave 5 minutes into it.

I suppose I could reward myself with something awesome for going...like WINE!

Just a tease. No alcohol for me. I would love to buy a book, but I easily have 30 new books in my home I haven't read. That's insane. Maybe I'll buy myself some clothes. A shirt. A workout shirt, maybe? Maybe pants?

None of that excites me enough to promise myself that I will get up, work out, eat at 7am and then go to Kerry's class.

Honestly, the good feeling I get after her class is more motivating than shopping, but it comes from overcoming the HUGE obstacleof getting out of my own way.

What could I possibly reward myself with???

I cannot be trusted to go to Barnes and Noble and NOT buy something.

Maybe I could go see the horses.

Well, if I went (it's 11:30pm now) I would feel much MUCH closer to achieving my goal.

And, I could get up at 7am and eat...but the WHOLE POINT is to do intervals BEFORE eating and then let the calorie burn last the whole day.

Hmmmm. I need to get up at 6am and do a wind-sprint & pushup workout, then eat, then go to Kerry's class, then reward myself.

Buying a shirt it is. Maybe I'll go to Express. Maybe I'll window shop for bikinis. Maybe I'll wash my car.

Ooooh! Maybe I'll take pictures of myself, and do a wrap!

Or! I have a Designer's Den gift certificate I could cash in and get a facial! Ooooh, now I'm talking.

I've got to do the pictures regardless. It's time to have some accountability built in here.

All that and I forgot to mention that for dinner at 5:30, a burger with cheese and ketchup and a vancouver bun with onions and lettuce sounded sooooooooooo goooooooooood. I remembered the no fudging, no excuses routine and instead made chicken, with 2 pieces of ezekiel bread (but threw most of one away) and a piece of cheese and also some butter. Plus a salad (no dressing) and a kale shake with wheatgrass.

Can't wait to see my consistency pay off.

Week 7, Day 4. Day 37, I rocked it!

So, I didn't get the sleep I wanted. I tossed and turned, then woke bolt upright at 4am and tossed and turned and had bad dreams until 8:30am, when I finally rolled out of bed.

I didn't go to the gym in the am. I told myself that sleep is more important than the gym. That's not entirely true. What's entirely true is that I didn't want to get out of bed.

I'm really trying to change that pattern, make a different choice, because your whole day is different and BETTER if you make it to the gym before breakfast. I also like to take time to empty my brain before breakfast. That's feels particularly wonderful.

Anyway, I was cranky all day because of the crappy sleep I got (but you wouldn't know it...it's like I'm incapable of being crabby these days). I went to get coffee for a headache around 3pm, but ended up looking for an Honest Tea instead. It was way too hot for coffee.

I had my first major "I don't WANT to eat chicken and vegetables! Wouldn't something from Irving's be phenomenal?" But I beat it. No excuses, no fudging. I ate my meal like I'm supposed to.

When I went home, I decided, grudgingly, that I would go to the gym. Every day. No excuses, no fudging. I promised myself I would only do something enjoyable, and I meant it.

I REALLY wanted to run. I haven't been running much lately because I do other kinds of working out, but I could work a run in here or there. So that's what I did.

My brain was going a mile a minute, I was just so grouchy. But I started to remember to "get into my body". In other words, start noticing how I'm moving, paying attention to form. What muscles are working? Feel your feet hit the floor. Listen to the sound it makes. That definitely helped me de-stress.

I did that for 8 minutes at 5mph, an easy pace. Then the urge struck me to do intervals. Suddenly, I wanted to run hard and fast. So I did. It turned out that under all that stress and feeling tired, I had crazy energy just waiting to get burnt off.

I did ten intervals. I thought about doing some lifting, but I remembered my promise to only do something fun that felt good tonight.

And it felt SO GOOD to do intervals!!! I felt so powerful and strong. 

But after those ten, I was finished, so I stretched, did 4 pushups and went home.

I drank a kale shake and ate dinner, which was shrimp and some cauliflower and some cashews.

I've been pooped ever since and I'm aiming for the gym again tomorrow morning. 7am is my goal.

Week 7, Day 3. Let the countdown begin!

On August 11, I'll have my first opportunity to bare my belly in public. My niece is turning 1, and my brother and his girlfriend are throwing the party at Mt. Pisgah, the local pool and, in general, park, I guess.

Before I give off the wrong impression, I will not be showcasing my body and trying to steal the show at Sarà's birthday party. Not a chance.

The whole point of the operation is to set a deadline for myself to work toward.  I want to know what it feels like to be ok, or even proud, (in a pretty safe setting) wearing a bikini.

It feels good to have a deadline. I'll be doing a little experiment with myself to see if the deadline makes things better or worse.

For right now, several things are clear:
1) This is a no-fudge zone. I will set clear guidelines and follow them. Period.
2) I will work out every day. Before 7am. Some days I will double up.
3) Food is a no-brainer. Follow my plan. No excuses, no fudging.
4) This goal will be my number one priority.
5) I will drink Kale Shakes every day.
6) I will visualize my success before bed and upon awakening.
7) Bedtime will be a priority BEFORE writing.
8) I will have to say No to some things in order to achieve this goal.
9) I will reward myself for a job well done, daily, weekly, and at the END I will buy a new bikini.

Tomorrow is Day 37. The plan is to get up at 6am, go to the gym. Do intervals. Some pushups. Maybe some squats or something with my big muscle groups. Eat breakfast, write, go to work, get a reward for eating well and working out.

What should my reward be?
I've been DYING to play my piano for a week now. So I will prioritize 30 minutes of playing piano.

I don't think I'm going to post these to Facebook anymore. I think the accountability isn't really happening there anymore. Plus, I saw someone else link their blog to facebook, and I didn't like the way it felt, and I didn't read it anyway. It feels better to me to leave it here.

Alright, goodnight!

Week 7, Day 1. Done with my bender.

All I really have to say is that I partied hard for my birthday Friday night. I had Patron margaritas, and they kicked my ass. I found myself drunk, but running up and down the stairs in my apartment trying to metabolize the alcohol before it made me sick. And I succeeded! Although I did have to go for two walks at 2am.

I had my first weekend in a long time where I was not working. Except for a couple of hotline shifts. Anyway, it was really nice! I got to go watch a horse show, and I got to have dinner with Ellen.

Anyway, I wanted today to be my first day back on track, but dinner with Ellen was actually dinner and WINE with Ellen, so today I was still off-kilter. But, I came home from work, did some writing (I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed with life right now) and now I feel prepared to do my intervals in the morning at the gym and eat well.

I'm actually looking forward to it. My pushup has been improving!

So, goodnight!

Week 7, Day 1. Done with my bender.

All I really have to say is that I partied hard for my birthday Friday night. I had Patron margaritas, and they kicked my ass. I found myself drunk, but running up and down the stairs in my apartment trying to metabolize the alcohol before it made me sick. And I succeeded! Although I did have to go for two walks at 2am.

I had my first weekend in a long time where I was not working. Except for a couple of hotline shifts. Anyway, it was really nice! I got to go watch a horse show, and I got to have dinner with Ellen.

Anyway, I wanted today to be my first day back on track, but dinner with Ellen was actually dinner and WINE with Ellen, so today I was still off-kilter. But, I came home from work, did some writing (I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed with life right now) and now I feel prepared to do my intervals in the morning at the gym and eat well.

I'm actually looking forward to it. My pushup has been improving!

So, goodnight!