Week 25, Day 2. Could have had a better day.

I did not get enough sleep last night. I knew that would mean that I would have cravings (has to do with hormones that are affected by your sleep), but I thought I was prepared to deal with them.

I did great all day until 5pm. Even at 2pm, when I was having a major craving because it had been too long since I ate last, I stopped at Sheetz to get two hard-boiled eggs. Then I also picked up my food for my (oops) 3rd meal and ate it before the work function I attended that was intended to be a snack-y/desert-y affair. Think carb heaven.

But by 5pm, I was so exhausted, I didn't have much fight left. I first snuck a pretzel bite when my very supportive  coworkers were not looking.

After that, I grazed. Terrible, I know. No real way to know how much damage I did. But I tried never to stuff myself, and I succeeded at that. I don't think it was all that terrible, and now that I realize that I only ate 3 of my 5 meals, it makes sense why I was so helpless in the face of all that food.  I know I had 2 mini cupcakes, some dorito-like chips (15?), maybe 15 pretzel bites, a tiny brownie, a scoop of hummus on a pepper stick, I don't remember what else.

I also decided not to go to the gym because I was so tired that I just needed to get some rest.

I am not sure that that was the best idea, but maybe the next time I am that tired, I will push through and get my workout done anyway.

Tomorrow, I have to be up early for work again so I'll get a workout in after the school programs and before social hour gets started. I am admitting right now that I plan on having one glass of red wine. Now that I'm being honest about it, hopefully I won't decide that it would be fine to have a second glass.

I am very much looking forward to tomorrow, but I also want to get past it, because I can't work out before work, and I'll be having wine, which I know will set me back, but I also know I will have a glass of wine. Saying I won't will only make me more likely to have more than one.

Alright, I'm falling asleep as I write this, sorry it's so boring, and good night.

Week 25, Day 1. I am so back.

I have been so off-track with this lately!  I guess I have just been having way too much fun.  And, come to think of it, some pretty stressful things have come along too.  But, I've finally got a routine working here, since I used my weekend to get into the state of mind of taking on these last 10 pounds again.  Without further ado, I'd like to repost my workout motto and source:

"I work out like a motherfucker!"

I just had to explain to my roommate why I had a piece of paper in my room that says "I work out like a motherfucker!" taped to my wall.  So I'll explain it again here, for those of you who don't know.  I love True Blood, (I shouldn't, I know, but I do), and one of my favorite scenes is when the town cop, Andy Bellefleure, is giving Jason Stackhouse a hard time.  Jason says something like, "Why are you always on my case?"  And Andy says, "Everything just seems to come so easy to you!  It's not fair!"  Jason explains a few things, but about the women loving him, he says, "You think that's easy???  I work out like a motherfucker!!!  And I watch a lot of porn."  I know I shouldn't have liked that, but I did.  So much so that it reminded me that Jason Stackhouse didn't get those abs by accident.  He worked effing hard for them.  And I am prepared to work effing hard for mine.  There.  That's my motto. 

Onto today.  I had an awesome day today.  Summary:  2 workouts, totally clean eating (except a cup of coffee in the am), and a very productive day at work.  Oh, AND I tanned.  That was a nice reward.

This morning, I was having a great time in dreamland, and totally did not hear my alarm until 6am.  Oops.  I was supposed to be at the gym by 5:45am.  So, I screwed around for a minute, but realized if I didn't get moving, I would miss this opportunity to work out.  So I got out the door.

But, not before weighing myself, and seeing that I finally broke past 130!  The scale read 129.4!  I have not seen that number in a decade, easily.  Well.  No.  But, I haven't seen it in way too long!  And, to that point, I probably will not see it again in the next couple of weeks.  I'm sure I lost muscle mass, so the numbers will go up again before they go down.

So, I got to the gym, and I did NOT think I would do a tough workout.  I was still pretty sleepy.  So I hopped on an elliptical, thinking I would do something light and just take credit for doing anything at all.  But, lo and behold, I heard some fun music, and all of a sudden, I was all about an interval workout.

It felt so great to get that out of the way, and it was an absolutely beautiful morning.  Smelled like summer in November.  It was delicious.

Anyway, I got through my day and then went back to the gym for my second workout in Kerry's class.  And I had a moment.  It was not a good moment, but I got over it.  Some woman approached me, very sweet lady, and she said, "Oh, my god!  Did I see you running the Steps to Safety 5k?"  I said, "Yeah!"  And she said, "Did you just lose a ton of weight?"

She might as well have drop-kicked me in the jaw.  I went right to, "God, what did I look like before?  A ton of weight?  A ton?  Maybe 15 pounds.  How bad did I look?  Was I in total denial?  Am I in total denial right now?"  Because here's the thing...I THINK now that I look the same as I did 15 pounds ago, it's a funny thing your brain does.  I don't feel any different.  So, to have people say things like that, it kind of takes me off balance.

It was crushing for about 60 seconds.  And then she said, "Oh my god, what are you doing?  I need to do that!  Who do I talk to?  What did you learn?"

And then I thought, "Oh!  This is a good thing!  She's not calling me fat!  She's not judging me!  She thinks I did an awesome thing!  And she wants to do it too!  And, I've lost enough weight that it's not only noticeable, but she called it a 'ton'!"

I have to add that saying, "Did you just lose a ton of weight?" is not the same as saying, "Oh my god, you look so good!" (women say this)" or "Looking good" (men say this).  This is not the same.  It always feels good when I hear those two statements.  I am reminded that I've done some work on myself, and it paid off.  Not the same.  I don't entirely know why.

So, after that little incident, I tried my very best for the whole class because I thought, "YES!  This does pay off!"  Then I rewarded myself with a tan.  And I fell asleep in the tanning bed.  And it was awesome.

Tomorrow I'm thinking my plan is to go to the gym after work.  Just one workout will do for tomorrow.  I'm already heading to bed later than I wanted to, and god knows I'll need to wind down first, so I'll just plan on waking up, eating at 7am, and I have to work early, so...yeah.

And if I follow my plan for this week, I will reward myself with a fun outfit.  Yay!  I need one of those!!!

Week 23, Day 5. I am so excited about today!

I am exhausted, but I'm writing about today because I'm so proud of what I accomplished!

I did, indeed, get up at 5:30am and finished my workout by 7am. That felt incredible!  To reward myself, I bought 20 tans. I know that doesn't sound in line with general health...and I'd like to avoid wrinkles and all, but...the pictures just look better if I'm tan. Plus, once, JUST ONCE, I want to feel as though I look the part of a Bronze Goddess. Yes. It's true.

Now that that's out of the way, I can write about the rest of my day. I managed to eat all my meals except my last one on time. However, I forgot my bread. Ezekiel bread that is, and so, I was super hungry most of the day.

I also had several soul-crushing moments throughout the day, but somehow it never popped into my brain to self-medicate with food.

I'm super-excited to weigh myself in the morning because for the first time in a LONG TIME, I actually worked out on an empty stomach. Amy has said this makes fat loss happen faster. Well, I should clarify that. She says that working out first thing in the morning before breakfast will burn fat faster. I have not been doing that for MONTHS.

It was so great to accomplish that! I finally felt like I had significant control over my life again!  I haven't felt that way for quite some time, but now I know why I could be so dedicated to this program. It makes me feel like I could take on the world.

I'm also happy to report that another friend has joined me in this process and will help keep me accountable to morning workouts AND will be a horse riding buddy! I can't wait to get into that again.

But, it's 11:22pm, and I need to get up at 7am. So good night.

Week 23, Day 4. Time to get serious.

It's 10:30pm on the noise, which means I am exactly one hour late for my bedtime, so I gotta make this fast.

I decided today that I have to get serious about these last ten pounds if I really want to lose them.

And I really want to lose them.

So tonight I am going to bed, then getting up at 5:30am, NO MATTER HOW TIRED I AM! And I am going to the gym.

Then I will reward myself. Only I haven't figured out how yet.

I did not see 129 today. I saw 131.2, but it reminded me that this takes dedication.

So. Starting now, I am dedicated to a schedule. I am dedicated to sleeping, eating, and exercising ON TIME.

Speaking of sleep, it's 10:34pm. Good night.

Week 23, Day 3! Could tomorrow be the day?

I had a great day today, and now I'm up too late. Way too late.
Long story short, I was damn near perfect today. The only exception was one cup of coffee. I am almost ready to make my goal no coffee. But not today.

Anyway, I weighed myself today, and I landed at 130.0lbs. So, I figure that it is completely possible that I will see the numbers 1-2-9 tomorrow. And if I do, that would be soooooo Amazing!!!

I forgot to mention that I also worked my tail off at Amy's class tonight. It was so intense!

Before I knew it I was 20 minutes into the class, and she had me do focused on form and what my body was doing, that I didn't have time to look at the clock.

I tried to remember  that the best athletes are the ones that can ignore the pain. I tried to push past it. I succeeded sometimes. And that's all that counts.

So...I'm finally going to bed. I meant to be in bed a lot sooner. I need to start making choices that honor bed time.

For now, good night!

Week 23, Day 2!

Yesterday was such a good day that I wish I had taken the time to blog about it!

Today was good  but not as good.
I woke up at 8am, before my alarm, but I wanted nothing more than to lay in my bed some more.

So I screwed around. I tried to squirm out of doing ANYTHING. I was so unhappy about the thought of getting out of bed for ANY reason that I ultimately decided, "Hey, if it's this bad, and I don't have anywhere to be until 11am, what's the harm in getting some rest?"

But, as soon as I made that decision, I couldn't let go of the guilt that if I didn't work out NOW I wasn't going to be able to work out at all. Plus, I was supposed to pick up my whiteboard, and I'd have to eat breakfast and shower and get all of my meals around for the day...and I simply would not let myself rest, but I also still did not want to get out of bed.

Eventually, I remembered that Amy had taught me a technique for starting on track that I consistently forget. Visualization.

I realized that and started thinking about how I wanted to look. Then I started acknowledging how every day, consistency counts.

I was finally motivated to get out of bed. I pushed my meeting back to 12 (which was a MUCH better idea), and headed downstairs for breakfast.

I got around for the gym and headed out the door. First, I needed to pick up my whiteboard, then go to the gym, then shower, pack my meals and go to work.

Well.

I didn't give myself enough time. By the time I got to the gym, it was 11am. I literally got on an elliptical for 5 minutes and got off to go home.

But that was ok. At least I conquered that part of me that didn't feel like it.

The more practice I get at out-maneuvering the "I don't feel like it" feeling, the more successful I will become.

I did have a cup of coffee today (at 12pm), and I ate clean EXCEPT for at night I got really tired and really hungry, and stressed as well, so I drank a diet pepsi, and I ate a 100 cal granola bar. At 8pm.

That's not good, but there's more to the story. I ate at 9:30am, 1:30pm, and 5:00pm.  So, I wasn't eating enough. I didn't think I could eat  another meal because it would be too late.

After work (9pm) I got the most raging craving for a chicken sandwich from Sheetz with mayo and cheese and italian dressing. I didn't know how I was going to avoid it. I didn't seem to have any self-discipline left.

Then, all of a sudden, it occurred to me that I would have to blog about it. And I would have to tell Amy. And Amy and I both know I am fully capable of overcoming the craving and making the decisionthat is in line with my goal: go home and go to bed. Do not pass GO, do not collect a chicken sandwich.

So, that's what I did. I came home.

I reposted my motto  "I work out like a m*****f*****!" on my wall to help me keep my goal in perspective.

I drafted a morning routine (I need to feel some kind of regularity in my life) and tomorrow will be my first day of it.

So, now it's 12am and I am up 2 hours later than I planned to be. Tomorrow I will get in bed on time.

And I'm posting this picture for help with refocusing... :)