Day 49. I guess I can't count.

Anybody reading this can see that I frequently guess at what day I'm on. No matter. I am much more rested today than any day for the past two weeks. I'm pretty confident I was fighting something off over the weekend, so I'm really glad I laid low. I don't like looking back and knowing that I skipped three workouts in a row, but that's definitely preferable to burning out and quitting.
This morning I did 10 pops on the treadmill, a few bicep curls and a few ab exercises. I usually do more hard cardio, but I just was not feeling up to it this morning. Probably has something to do with all the junk I ate yesterday. But then I also went to Kerry's class tonight, so I got my two workouts on and I ate really clean and really didn't eat very much. That's a nice balance from the weekend.
Now I'm trying to go to bed early.

Day 48

It's the end of a few days of rest. My plan is to be able to come back full force, and right now, I'm ready for bed. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Day 44. Today was a challenge.

And I overcame it. I was tired, grumpy, and frustrated but I hit my goals anyway. Now it's bedtime and I'm hoping for a much better day tomorrow.

Day 43. Irritating Day.

I fell off my diet a little bit today.  Not bad.  I woke up at 5:39am, which is 39 minutes late, but no big deal.  I did have to skip a few exercises at the gym because of it though.  A few sets of different bicep curls.  I tried to make up for it later in the day, but no.  Five pound weights just aren't going to cut it.
Here's how my day went:  I got to the gym at 7am, roughly 1 hour later than I wanted.  But I recognized that what I wanted wasn't realistic, so I suppose I will need to get over it.  Anyway, I felt good, felt rested.  Felt JACKED on my superpump!  So I got to work, but somehow it took me 30 minutes to get through 2 supersets (4 sets each, so a total of 16 exercises).  I guess that makes sense, but it totally pissed me off.  At 7:45am I knew I needed to switch to cardio if I was going to get the half-hour in.  So I did.  Then I stretched and went to shower...no hot water at the gym, and then I dropped my bottle of Muscle Martini (that stuff takes care of cravings like NOBODY'S BUSINESS!!!).  Luckily I didn't have to go straight to work, I had time to shower, so I shouldn't be so annoyed at the inconvenience.  It was actually quite convenient that it happened that way today and not, say Friday, when I have a presentation to give at 8am.
Anyway, when I got home, I took a shower and I was overcome with tired.  So I laid down for about an hour before I went to work.
The rest of the day was overwhelming and frustrating.  And now it's 10pm and I'm hungry.  But I ate 2 dark chocolates and 1 cookies and cream chocolate during class, plus a coffee with a tiny bit of French Vanilla creamer at 5pm (while I was putting Fix-A-Flat in my tire...THAT was an episode...ugh).  So, I know in reality it's probably less than 100 calories of stuff that is not helping me toward my goal.  My main concern is the downward spiral.  I feel a little like I'm losing my cool.  I have only struggled with diet one other time, and that was just because I was feeling disappointed.
Hm.  Perhaps today just had to do with feeling frustrated, and maybe it doesn't have to be a downward spiral.  Although, if I don't get my office and my home organized, I don't know how I'm going to escape it.  So, I guess that's my plan.  Organize my office and my home.  Alright.  I'll get working on that.  And, I need to get back to my Chalene Johnson to-do list.  I've been neglecting that and that also makes me feel helpless and out of control.
For now, I'm going to try to continue to get caught up on rest.
Goodnight.

Day 42. Officially halfway!

Today, I desperately needed some rest. So I got some. It was more difficult to stay on my plan today because I really felt like eating bad food. Not sure why, but I think I feel a wave of depression moving in. The best remedy for that is doing things I can be proud of and working out hard. So far, that's what I know. I hope I can snap out of it. And, I think today's rest session probably helped a lot. That rundown and frustrated feeling is usually an early sign. Well. Good night!
Onto the second half tomorrow!!!

Day 41. It's late.

Tomorrow I can officially say I am halfway through Jamie Eason's 12 week program, and I am so proud of myself!  I can hardly believe it!

I'm up late tonight because, man!  My weekend just got away from me.  There are certain things I need to take care of on the weekends, like laundry, groceries, cooking and cleaning.  More importantly, I need to REST.  Every Friday finds me totally exhausted and wanting to be asleep by 7:30pm.  Sometimes, I actually get to do that.

I know that adequate sleep is probably one of the MOST important parts of this process.  Without it, cravings get out of control, motivation goes downhill, and morale just plummets.  So, this weekend, I tried to rest.  But I really felt like SOCIALIZING!  I did go to a Pets Come First wine-tasting event on Friday night, and I was worried that I would go overboard with the wine, but I didn't.  I did eat enough for a cheat meal that night, but I'm just taking it in stride.  Nobody goes through this program perfectly.

I was so tired Friday and Saturday night that I didn't even bother to blog.  That usually means I'm not doing very well.  But not this time!  I'm still on track.  Saturday, I spent 4 hours at the gym.  I'm not bragging, I'm actually thinking that it's excessive.  The way that my training schedule works, I do (and love) Hot Yoga Saturday mornings and I have no plans on giving it up.  I love it.  I also am slated for an hour of lifting and then half an hour on the treadmill.  By the time all was said and done, I'd put in 4 hours.

I guess I need to be careful this week, because I think I am near over-training territory.  I was unusually exhausted this weekend.  Anyway, I did get my laundry, dishes and cooking done.  I could have done more cleaning, but rest was more important.  So, for now, I'm going to watch the last ten minutes of this Breaking Bad episode, take a shower and go to bed.

HIIT training tomorrow!  And I've got to mix it up, I feel like my body is adapting to this Monday routine.

Day 39. Lost another towel.

I have this bad habit of stalling in between exercises at the gym and then rushing out in order to get to work on time. Unfortunately, this has caused me to drop or lose my bath towel twice. The first one is gone. I have no idea where it ended up. The second one I lost today, so we'll see if it got saved.
Anyway, I've had a very busy week and have relied on 30 minute naps in the afternoon to get me through Tuesdays and Thursdays, which have been extra long days for me for the past 3 weeks.
Today I followed my plan VERY well and even added a protein shake to my day because I needed it!
I'm so excited that tomorrow is Friday and I get to veg out and watch Breaking Bad as a reward for all my hard work.

Day 37. Fast day.

I had a very fast day today. Presentations or meetings all day long and I really wanted to be sleeping by 8pm because I lost sleep last night.
I worked out twice today like I'm supposed to!!! That seemed impossible until I did it. I was SUPER TIRED after my workout this morning, and I didn't eat like I should have because of my crazy schedule. I didn't eat anything off my plan, but the only time I ate vegetables was for my second meal. I will need to remedy that tomorrow--which will be another fast day.
My biggest discovery today was this Punk video featuring Nate Ruess (who I am absolutely positively and hopelessly in love with), called Just Give Me A Reason. And somehow, out of that song this truth hit me like a ton of bricks: I do not need to be perfect to be loved. In fact, it is what is imperfect about me that makes me lovable. I don't need to wait until I have perfect abs, a bigger income, a published book. I am fun, fascinating, and lovable right now. There's beauty in me right now. That was really a big realization for me.

Day 36. Stars lining up.

Today, everything just seems to be falling into place. My mantra for the day was that quote-I'm not going to get it right, but something about how we are always worrying about this or that, and then fail to realize that all along, we are riding on great waves.
Anyway. That made for a fabulous day. Then I came home and realized Maybelle wasn't following me around. Naturally, I thought she got hit by a car and panicked. Turns out, she was traumatized from the low battery beep alert on the fire alarm and was hiding. Poor baby is stalking around here WAITING for that awful beep to happen again. I fixed it, but she's suspicious.
Well. It's late again. Good night.

Day 35. My first real struggle.

So, for the first time today, I really had a day where my mood was just CRAP. I was tired, probably from doing so much and then going to bed late. I just couldn't get pumped. I even drank my SuperPump. Nothing. I just had a general feeling of apathy. I didn't want to work too hard. I almost wonder if it was because I ate those chips RIGHT before bed.
I don't know that I owned that last night. I just was not feeling energetic.
I got through my pops on the stairmill. Everything was off. I was starting to feel weakness/pulling/pain in my knee joint.
Then I switched to the treadmill. My favorite treadmills were full. I got on one I wasn't used to and it was all screwy. I got irritated and started smacking the treadmill...lol. And swearing under my breath, and in general acting like a big baby.
Then I didn't even feel like stretching. Im going to regret that. I ate, showered, and got ready without my usual anticipation for the day. I felt a lot more tired than usual. I thought about taking time off work.
Anyway, around 3pm, I was running errands for work, and I was kinda sorta near Wegman's. I convinced myself that I just cannot make it through the day without their rotisserie chicken noodle soup. So I drove to Wegman's. But I managed to turn around and drive out because made a deal with myself that I wouldn't do my second workout. That I just couldn't.
Just then, because she's psychic, Amy texted me to tell me, in so many words, that a gym member noticed how hard I work out and that I'm tough!!!!!
Full confession, my inner critic told me not to believe that, but it just didn't have that much power. But I DIDN'T EVEN CARE! No matter how it came to me, I really needed to hear it. I full-out blushed in my car, like hot-faced, I was so embarrassed ? I don't know why, I liked the compliment and yet I had a physical reaction of embarrassment? Maybe because my actions and beliefs had gone so far from reality, as I was about to sabotage my plan? I can't explain it.
All I can say is that a switch was flipped, inner critic be damned. I was back on my game baby!!!! I went home, ate my appropriate meal (kind of, I had waited too long to eat so I added butter and a protein shake), and then I made it to Kerry's class. Then, one of the women I work out with regularly told me that my "slump" post on FB totally spoke to her and helped her get to class. :) :) :)
AND I got to see Amy on my way out of the gym in MUCH higher spirits. I learned that it is TRULY when you least feel like following your plan---that is when you MUST. It broke my bad mood.
What a happy ending to a day that started out pretty rough. Good night!!!
Hosted by Maybelle.

Day 34. Cheat!

I had a good day today. It started with sleeping for about 11 hours, so that was pretty awesome!
Then I weighed and measured myself and tried on my jeans. I was THRILLED to see that I could actually WEAR the pair of jeans I bought sometime last year!!! I got around, did some reading and then finally made it to the gym by 12pm. 4 hours after I got up.
Whatever. I got it done. I had a leg workout that took me an entire hour and a half to do. At first, I got really annoyed at how long it was taking--some of the exercises you do one leg at a time, so it takes twice as long, and I frequently add sets because I want to be sure I fatigue the muscle, and finally, I am really trying to build my calves, and those take 3 times as long because I do them in 3 different positions. But then I decided to be grateful that I HAD THE TIME. I easily could have gotten caught up with a shift at Green Bowl or something, but I didn't. I had the time and I used it toward my goal. That's good!

At 3pm, I finally cheated. At Wegman's. I did alright at first. I had 4 BBQ chicken wings (ZOMG SO GOOD) a mozzarella stick, a little Mac and cheese and some scalloped potatoes With a diet Pepsi and a Wegmans chocolate chip cookie.
But then I left to go to the mall. Once I got there, I decided that I would like a piece of pizza around 5pm.

Then I went to Barnes and Noble to browse, and on my way home, decided that this cheat day would not be complete without some potato chips. So I stopped at a unimart and bought a small bag of lays original and a small bag of Cheetos. I ate both. Except I left some of the chips. It was more stress eating than cheat eating.

The reason I've been so successful this time is because I've been able to follow the rules on the cheat meal. Last week I slipped a LITTLE, and this week, I slipped more. So, next Sunday, I will start my day with the intention of cheating with a purpose and a plan, and stop the runaway train business.
Pops in the morning! Good night!

Day33. Good.

I had a good day. Yoga was spot on. Did my lifting and running after that. Now I'm tired. Goodnight.

Day 32. I love Fridays.

Today was rough. I went to SLEEP around 11pm and woke up at 4:30am in order to get my workout in AND get to my 8am meeting on time. I wasn't in the best of spirits this morning and found myself forcing things and frustrated, which never works out.
It wasn't until I just got an unexpected pep talk from my coach that I really evened out. All day long, I was trying to relax, accept reality as it stands. But I found myself really getting critical of myself, in so many ways. I found myself in the fear of not being good enough, for what, I don't know. I just kept having little stretches of totally random anxiety. It probably had to do with lack of sleep.
But, and this is why I love my coach-she always says what I need to hear. Tonight she relayed a compliment from someone else which was so raw that it snapped me out of my self-inflicted lashings and helped me realize what a waste it is to not take stock of your own value.
Wow am I a lucky woman to have these people in my life. Not to mention, my am meeting was pretty uplifting and insightful too. I've been out of my comfort zone more often than I've been in it lately!
Well. Early to bed for me tonight.