13 days of this program!

I wanted to write a meaningful blog today that wasn't just me checking in. But, it's 9:39pm and I wanted to be sleeping by now.
I can say that I went to Kerry's yoga class for the first time in a LONG time this weekend, and it was so worth it.  Somehow, between Kerry and Amy, they both manage to get me to give more than I thought I could. 
I also learned and reinforced that I've already decided how this is going to end.
I cooked 24 turkey muffins today, made salad for the week, made kale shakes for a few days, made sweet potatoes for 4 days, and egg whites for 5 days.  I put my lunch together in the fridge so that it's just easy to grab it and go.
This week is my first full week back to work, and it's also the first full week of strength training and building muscle.  I wonder if it will be much different than what I'm doing with the modifications that Amy gave me (aim for 6-10 reps, try to find the place where your muscle fails, lower the weight slightly with each set). 
But, it's time for me to go to bed.
One more thing:  I've totally abandoned measuring and weighing because I get too wrapped up in wanting to see change from one day to the next.  I found that I was looking for specific things to change, like my waist would get smaller, my back would be more defined, etc.  But what I'm finding now that I'm not anticipating and expecting changes in certain places, I'm actually noticing WHAT IS changing.  For example...I'm gonna hurt somebody with these arms :) :) :).  Seriously.  I am working with some dangerous guns here.  AND, I just happened to notice that there's a muscle somewhere between the back of my leg and my inner thigh that I never noticed before that I am TOTALLY building.  Also, the outside of my quad by my knee is starting to develop. 
I wasn't looking for those kinds of changes before, so I totally missed them and thought nothing was changing.
But, whatever.  I'm onto my "Do the program, eat the right food at the right time, and get enough sleep.  Changes will occur."
I'll say it again:  I've already decided how this story ends.
Good night all!

Fast blog, I'm supposed to be in bed!

I just have to say that I was afraid to take Amy's HIIT class last night, but I woke up this morning feeling SO SKINNY!

And, that it's super important to be in bed early/on time because otherwise my brain says I deserve to sleep.

So.  5:30am, here I come!

I'm totally getting the hang of this.

So, it's Day 9, and starting this plan while I was on vacation (well, off of work, I was simply trying to mentally disconnect and rejuvenate while re-organizing) was a GREAT idea.
I'm finding the affirmations really work.  Tomorrow I need to get up by 5:30am because I did a dry run today and I'll need that much time in order to get to work on time.

I did my lifting today and WOW!  MY PUSHUPS!  I have struggled with the fact that I can't seem to go down past a certain point in the pushup, but today, I noticed that had changed.  Now, when I got to the narrow pushups, I couldn't do much at all.  My chest/triceps were already fatiguing.  I had to do those on my knees, and I squeezed every little bit I could out of them.

I am noticing however, that lifting seems to take away my brainpower.  I just am not as sharp on the mornings after I lift.  Or all day, for that matter.  Maybe this is something I will adjust to.  You'd think I'd be super-sharp.  I'm super-sharp after starting the day with cardio.

Ah, well.  In order to set myself up for success, I've gotten all my steps ready for tomorrow.  Oh. That's not true.  I still need to lay out work out clothes, after-gym glutamine, and work clothes.  But my food is almost all ready.  Yams are still baking.  Laundry is still in the dryer.

But it's early to bed for me, so good night!

Made my first vision board today!

Today was a weird day.  I've been off from work for about two weeks now, and only now do I finally feel rested and ready to go back.  I'm glad that day came!  I was worried for awhile, because I kept having this low-level irritation that I couldn't get rid of. 
The weirdness started at 5:57am when I woke up three minutes before my alarm went off.  Normally when that happens, I have a feeling of dread and want to sink back into sleep for 3 minutes hours.  Oh, let's be honest, I want to sleep for the rest of the day. 
Some people would probably be able to peg this as depression, and I wouldn't argue with them, I am predisposed to it, but I try to keep tabs on it.  I've been medicated, but I'd rather use exercise and nutrition and healthy social circles to stay on top of it.  Medication has other effects, like muting all your OTHER feelings. 
But today, TODAY when I woke up and saw the time, I turned on my light and picked up my phone to check out Facebook.  I've found that once I start looking at Facebook, sleep is just no longer a possibility.  I actually got out of bed at 6:11am.  I'd like to eliminate those extra 14 minutes spent looking at Facebook and just immediately get out of bed.

So, just waking up was different.  Then, I went downstairs to have my coffee and write down the dreams I had been having because they were AWESOME!  I mean, they were so far above awesome that I seriously considered starting a blog about my dreams, but then I realized 1) I would never have time to actually blog about all of them and 2) They would make sense and be interesting to no one except myself and perhaps my therapist.  And she doesn't read my blog.

I needed to run off the coffee I had just enjoyed as my reward for not going back to sleep.  (Fun fact about coffee, if you drink it and don't work out, it messes with your sugar levels.) So, I suited up and headed out.  I had SO MUCH ENERGY! IT FELT SO GOOD!  So I just kept running (45 min?) at an easy, pace, mind you.  One, because, who doesn't love running at a pace that's just enjoyable?  And Two, because on this 12 week plan I'm on, I'm not supposed to do any cardio until the 5th week.  The thinking is that cardio would take calories away from muscle-building in this stage.  At any rate, even though I was trying to be really relaxed, my left shoulder felt like I was pulling it out of its socket.  I don't know what to make of that, but I don't like it.  And, when I took a nap later in the day, I had my left arm back behind my head, and when I woke up, I felt like my joint had frozen in that position.  Ouch.  Guess I'll be telling my chiropractor about that.

Oh, so I forgot to mention a teeny little detail about why I had so much energy.  Last night, I suddenly got ravenously hungry while grocery shopping at Wegman's.  I decided now would be a good time to buy PopChips.  But, I couldn't decide on which flavor!  Sweet potato? Barbeque potato?  Cheddar potato?  So I do what I always do when I can't decide:  I got all three.  THEN, since I was IN THE ORGANIC SECTION, I decided NOW would be a great time to follow Amy's advice about eating chocolate:  If you're gonna eat it, eat dark chocolate that is ??% cacao.  OH I COULDN'T REMEMBER!  I felt like the 85% was advertised as being extremely dark, and I didn't know if that was for me, so I got 72%.  (I was really trying to find this awesome chocolate my friend had when I visited her in NY.  She's like a chocolate connoisseur.  And I liked that chocolate.)  Anyway. 

My demise went like this:  I'll just try ONE PopChip in the car. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh that was such a funny idea I had in my head.

What really happened is that by the time I made it to the Petco parking lot (in the same complex) I had eaten a serving of PopChips.  I'd like to thank a certain woman with the last name of Lane who happens to be involved in dog rescue for this mishap.  But it wasn't over.  Then I decided I should JUST TRY the chocolate.  To be fair, I did pick the chocolate that came individually wrapped.  I could have had the candy bar I picked up in the checkout aisle.  Yes.  I bought more chocolate as I was checking out.  But it was 72% cacao, and organic. 

Anyway.  When it was all said and done, I had two servings of PopChips (OMG so good, curse you JTL.)  And I had two squares of awesomely delicious crumbly chocolate like I've never had before.

I knew I should have eaten protein beforehand to stem the absorption of carbs into my system, but...well...I didn't do that.  So I knew I needed to eat protein FAST, as soon as I got home.  Luckily, Due to my diligent preparation, I had plenty of egg whites to choose from.

End of story, I did a little damage with my diet, but in the end, it wasn't all that bad, and hopefully I ran off the excess carbs (or some of them) this morning, and I did NOT continue on a binge, or get into any junk food today. 

Did you read that?  I ATE TOTALLY CLEAN TODAY. 
On to why else today was weird.  I got things done.  Like, COMPLETED.
It's all because I took Chalene Johnson's advice and started using an app on my Android.  It's the best thing ever.  Because of that app, I FINALLY made myself a vision board.  Something I've wanted to do for years.  It just kept reminding me and for the past three days, I clipped from magazines, and finally today, I put it all together.

There are 4 basic goals that I can gather from what I put together:  1) Have a killer career, which involves large groups of people somehow, 2) Be in the best shape of my life, especially so I can see my belly muscles, 3) Travel to lots of places with the purpose of appreciating nature, 4) Fall in love with a tall, dark horse and it will be mine.

Because of this app, called Astrid Task Manager, I also FINALLY wrote my affirmations.  I've heard a lot about the psychology of repeating things to yourself being effective, but I just never sat down and did it.  Having all this free time on my hands certainly helped.  I'm experimenting with the idea that "The conscious mind dictates, the subconscious mind obeys."  Also, like Henry Ford said...something like, "If you think you can or you think you can't, either way, you're right."
I ALSO established a morning routine and an EVENING routine so I can make sure I spend time visualizing and meditating every day.  And, get my dishes done.  I'm sure not every day will be perfect, but at least I have a target.

One last thing that was weird about today.  I spent the entire day alone, and didn't feel the urge to fill that time with anyone else's presence.  Normally, if I have that much time to myself, I feel like I didn't use it wisely if I spend it alone.  It gives me anxiety.  But today, I had projects to complete.  Maybe that's the difference.  This time, the projects were IN MY FACE (thanks Astrid!), and usually they're just out of my awareness, so I involve other people in order to avoid those projects.  Hm.  Interesting.

Oh wait.  There's one more weird thing.  I took a nap from 12pm to 3pm (that's not weird) and I am still ready to go to bed at 10pm (that's weird, and wonderful).  During that nap, I had a high-definition-style dream where my dream horse wandered into my life.  Big, dark, beautiful and female.  I don't know why I want a female horse, shouldn't matter, but ah, who knows.  Maybe I'll end up with many horses and I can figure out if I really prefer them. 

Well goodnight.  And you can be sure my blogs won't be this long when I go back to work.

One week of lifting complete!

I don't have much time to write, as it's 9:47pm and I wanted to be sleeping by 10pm, but I'm LEARNING SO MUCH!

One, being on vacation has allowed me to eat at 3 hour intervals.  I never get cravings.  Period.  End of story.  Now, maybe that's temporary, but it's wonderful.  I know what I'm going to eat, and I eat it.  I'm so glad I learned that.  I didn't realize how detrimental it was to get too hungry before.

Two, I got up at 6:13am this morning.  I'm so happy about that fact.  I easily could have slept for two more hours, but it's a habit I want to have to be up between 5am and 6am every morning.

Three, I'm gonna have wicked arms in no time.

Four, I keep sneaking fat into my diet.  First it was with the salad dressing, then it was by cooking my kale with a TB of sesame oil at Green Bowl.  I'll stop doing that.

Five, I don't know how I'm going to NOT work out.  I want to do a recovery run tomorrow morning, but it's against the plan.  The plan is to rest.  But I don't want to.  I'm afraid that I will lose momentum.

Well, I suppose I just have to DECIDE not to lose momentum. 

Alright.  Goodnight.