Week 6, Day 1. The pattern that plagues me.

Right now, it's 7:59pm. I just chugged a kale shake and are a piece of ezekiel bread with butter after eating shrimp pan-fried in butter.

I desperately wanted to be at Chick-fil-a instead. I only drank the shake after the 2% of me that was left clinging to my weight-loss goal after getting ravenous, over-tired, and stressed with a headache decided to text Amy. 

This decision was not  popular with the other 98% of me that wanted to get in the car, drive on auto pilot, and eat the Chick-fil-a inside the store, as soon as humanly possible...deal with the consequences later.

Consequences meaning: I will not shed one sorry pound this week. I might even gain if I eat at chick-fil-a this late.

I knew if I talked to Amy, I would be kissing Chick-fil-a goodbye (which I should anyway because they discriminate...see how little restraint I have!?! That's a joke. I know I have lots of restraint, but when it's gone, it's GAWN.) and  you see, 98% of me really REALLY wanted the Chick-fil-a.

I literally sighed in defeat in my chair in the kitchen and texted Amy. Told her I was about to go to Chick-fil-a and didn't want to tell her because she would be able to stop me.

Not the same as MAKING me stop. Let me make that clear. I knew Amy would say or do something that would make it possible for me to steer out of this warp-spasm urge, but also to return to the place where I remember that I have a goal I work VERY hard for.

But, during an overwhelming urge, you don't have access to that part of your brain. You don't FEEL that way, so you don't CARE what it wants. You want to satisfy what's bothering you RIGHT NOW.

The only reason I was able to call is that I have turned a corner in understanding that it's not WHO I AM that has prevented weight loss progress, it's WHAT I DO.

I REALLY want to come out on the other side and know that...holy shit, I really am capable! That was really hard, and I effing did it.

Amy called and...just talking to her I feel more in control. She gave me permission to go to Chick-fil-a. She talked about there being no good or bad choices with diet. Just what is. If you eat this, you get that. Period.

Then she said (since I already ate 10 shrimp pan-fried in butter...not NEARLY as awesome as it sounds, btw) to have a kale shake and a little reward and that the craving would pass.

I had forgotten that. Probably because the shrimp actually made the craving more intense.

But here's the thing. I frequently get over-tired, and I know I'm not special, here, plenty of people do.

The thing is that when I get over-tired, I overeat, especially at chick-fil-a because they have awesome milkshakes that top off fried chicken and waffle fries like no other. I knew if I could interrupt this pattern JUST ONCE!!! I would move onto the nect level of weight loss capability.

And, I did it. I'll celebrate by buying myself a workout shirt. I actually can't believe that I finally had a cheat day where I can truly say, I felt in control.

I should be excited, but I'm still super tired, so I'm gonna end my hunger misery. I'm still hungry, but it's not as intense, and I WANT to be a little hungry when I go to bed, I'll sleep better. Anyway, reading and falling asleep will be a totally different pattern for me.

I hope I hope I hope I see results from foregoing this late craving. This is the first cheat day that I've truly only had one cheat meal...and dessert.

I'm looking toward bikini season with a hopeful eye.