I have so much to say about today, but not a lot of time.
First off, I weighed in at 132.6. So I believe I'm at my set weight.
This means that from here, making the fat shed off will require serious diligence and effort. Focus, if you will, and determination.
Last night, I REALLY wanted a beer. I just couldn't wind down after all the chaos with attempting to cancel my dish network service (terrible company, I felt bad for the people who sought employment there, god knows their lives must be hell based on what I experienced.)
Anyway, I'm so glad I DIDN'T have a beer because Amy reminded me that alcohol will DESTROY my progress. And when I woke up and weighed in, I knew I had definitely made this weight loss easier by choosing not to have alcohol.
But today. Today I slept until 10am because I was up late. I ate breakfast and checked in with Amy and another friend, and got groceries.
By the time I got back, it was time to eat again. But I hadn't worked out yet, so I decided to postpone my meal to ensure that I got a workout in.
Amy suggested that I do a set of wind sprints with pushups. So I'd warm up, sprint for 30 seconds, drop and do 8 solid pushups, and recover for 90 seconds, do it all over again. Only 8 times today.
Well. That was really challenging. I was tired from not eating. It was hot at 2pm. And I was so out of breath after the sprinting that I would TRY to do the pushups, but after two, I would fall to my knees. So, I caught my breath, did the pushups, walked for 90 seconds, and repeated 8 times. Plus warm up and cool down with stretching, of course.
The last two, I had to use some visualization. It was just too easy to not run as hard as I could. So I imagined Amy running a little ahead of me, and encouraging me to let it fly.
It was at that point during the workout that I really appreciated how powerful positive feedback is. Because of the way Amy has approached me, I have more confidence and I trust her completely. There's no fear or anything negative...and it radically changes the way I talk to myself. I've started to wonder if negative feedback is ever appropriate. It seems it can't be as effective as positive feedback. It would undermine the person in many different ways. I don't know. I'm just trying to incorporate more positive feedback into my own life.
Anyway, I made it through. And I was SO SO happy. And I promised myself a reward.
I came home and immediately made myself shrimp pan-fried in coconut oil, and it was heaven on earth. Maybelle says so too. I also ate a ton of raw spinach and cauliflower, and then I had a kale shake with broccoli and wheatgrass and a few green organic grapes (that were so delicious...I ate a total of ten while the kale shake was blending.
I forgot to mention. I was so whooped after that workout, I couldn't even will myself to jog home. I was SO low energy. I knew it was because I hadn't eaten, but I was hoping the workout would at least boost my metabolism. I practically CRAWLED home. I tried to use Martha Beck's wordlessness techniques since I was so tired. It's pretty difficult to STAY there, but I guess the important thing is to keep trying.
I did get to appreciate some really beautiful plants on the way home though, since I ran on the golf course.
I promised myself a reward, and since I've been DYING to go to Barnes and Noble, that was my reward.
Since I had alone time and didn't have to work today, I got to read some of Chalene Johnson's book, Push.
I've noticed that I have this hang up that since I didn't come from a wealthy/elite background, I worry/am convinced I will never reach this goal or any other goal that requires commitment and dedication.
However, Chalene had some magic words in her book that Any has been trying to tell me all along. The way she said it fits with my stereotype of "successful" people. I want to be one of those people who has it all together. They take care of themselves, they show up at work and get noticed, and can still make time for friends. Now, I know if I had kids, my definition of success would change, and hopefully it does BEFORE that, too, because it's pretty narrow. I know that. I have issues that I work through with a therapist. But this is where I am now.
Anyway, Chalene says that exercise comes first thing in the day. (Well, duh. Amy's been telling me that, but I hit snooze for an hour.) Then she said STOP HITTING SNOOZE. I know you already made up your mind to set your alarm and sleep through it. No more. Successful people get up earlier than the rest of the world (I know this is kind of able-ist and insulting to people who have issues that don't make this possible, but it motivated me). In my case, I can label myself a "successful person" now because I can behave like one!
This is HUGE!
My hang up about who I am just disappeared. Who am I? Well if I can get up and workout at 5:30am everyday, then I am a successful person.
This rings true on other levels too. When I first started going to the gym...maybe 8 years ago, I remembered thinking that the other people in the gym must be really important people because they took such good care of themselves. I wanted to be like them. And now I'm finding out that I am, and I was all along!
Anyway. Maybelle just rolled over and off her pillow and is now making it difficult for me to continue, so I think this will do.
Good night.
And I'm getting up at 6am tomorrow for a little run. And tomorrow is my cheat day. I'm going to buy myself a workout shirt if I manage to approach my meal with mindful eating, and don't sabotage my weight-loss so far.
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