But, it is currently 11:56pm, and I need to wake up at 6am to do bear runs, eat (at 7am) go to yoga with Kerry, (if it's still on, it is Arts Fest, so who knows), and get showered and head to work at the restaurant 11am-10pm, and hopefully make up the money I spent this week on car repairs (boo!) and a baby shower (whee!), not to mention, I need to scramble around to find $700 to at least get the paperwork started on moving. And here's my plan to do that: I worked tonight, I will work all day tomorrow, and I will work a breakfast and lunch shift on Sunday. And I will pick up shifts as much as humanly possible until I don't need to anymore (which might be forever. haha. Really funny.)
Anyway, so MY CHEAT DAY!
I woke up so excited! I made myself breakfast (which I always look forward to) and coffee because I had to drive somewhere for work today, so I thought having coffee on a long drive would be nice. Eh, I think I might have preferred the tea I've been drinking. The coffee was just missing something. It just wasn't as fantastic as I remembered. I actually considered stopping at Saints on my way out of town to get THEIR coffee and put cream and sugar in it to have the full coffee effect. I decided I didn't have the time, and I had no need to spend $3 when I had coffee already in the car with me, and I totally planned on having coffee at the Waffle Shop later. Suffice it to say, I got my coffee fix.
Once I got to my destination, I got my hands on some mini-Nerds, Smarties, and a warhead. I thought, "It's my cheat day! When am I EVAAAAR again going to get to snack on these?" So I started eating them, full well knowing I was violating the rules, and that they weren't good enough to be violating the rules for...and I ended up throwing them away. I did have some Nerds and a few Smarties, but I just wondered to myself, "Is there something so exciting about this that I need to continue?" And no, there wasn't. So I didn't.
I ate my second meal and some of my Hulk Shake while at my destination. I finally headed back to State College around 2pm and went to the WAFFLE SHOP FOR CHEAT MEAL NUMBER 1! I was so excited! The smell of the place, the expectation of delicious food delivered quickly and perfectly, and I even went to my favorite one. I figured, "Why bother enjoying it if part of it is going to be a downer?"
I ordered the S3, which is two eggs (over easy), 2 slices of bacon, 2 slices of wheat bread with butter/margarine, and a side of home fries. I also ordered a coffee and 2 pancakes. YUM.
I have to say, the anticipation was probably more exciting than actually eating the food. With the exception of the pancakes, of course. They were to die for. I put butter and maple syrup on them too. (Amy gave me the go-ahead!) Oh Em Gee. Fantastic. I couldn't stop eating the potatoes, just because they had the sweat of Satan on them (ketchup with high fructose corn syrup).
I was REALLY concerned that I wouldn't be able to stop eating. I was REALLY convinced that I would eat myself sick. I knew that I would do that because I had created "famine brain" around this event. Famine brain sounds like this, "Oh my god, this is only going to happen once, so stuff yourself to capacity because RESOURCES ARE SCARCE! GET IT NOW BECAUSE YOU'LL NEVER GET IT AGAIN!!!"
So, once I realized that I was going to shoot myself in the foot by overeating if I continued, I stacked my plates. I didn't have the wherewithall to imagine loads and loads of pancakes drenched in butter and maple syrup following me around for a lifetime. But, once I stacked my plates, I found that I could sit in the pleasantness of having just finished a meal and be satisfied. I came dangerously close to making myself sick.
So, the tally was: 3/4 of 2 pancakes (so, one and a half pancakes with butter and maple syrup...not drenched in it), half the serving of home fries with ketchup, all of my eggs (over easy), 2 slices of bacon, one slice of bread (buttered), and 1.5 cups of coffee with (total of) 2 teaspoons sugar and probably one fat serving (size of my thumb) of half and half.
I had picked up cheesecake from Wegman's for my second cheat meal (I was under the impression that I got two cheat meals and a dessert), but I forgot it at home when I went to pick up my clothes and dinner for my restaurant job. :(
No cheesecake for me. I was very sad at the time. :(
So, before my shift started, I snuck into Five Guys and ordered a Little Cheeseburger with fries. I picked up some vinegar and ketchup and went to work. At about six o'clock, I decided to dig into it.
That burger blew Waffle Shop out of the water! Oh my god, it was so heavenly delicious. There was no mistaking it. I could only eat it in bites in-between doing things, but it was so AMAZING! The white bread had me like putty in its hands! White bread MIGHT give me a high similar to something addictive, I don't know. I just get a MAJOR lift when I eat it. The fries were good, but cold, so not so amazing. But the burger? Amazing.
The tally was: I ate all of the burger, and only most of the fries that were in the cup, with vinegar. I didn't add ketchup to anything. I did drink about 8oz or less of diet soda...hahahahaha, I just realized now that it wasn't Diet Pepsi, it was Diet Coke...which is so funny because while I was drinking it, I was thinking, "oh my god, I love Diet Pepsi so much, it's really too bad it's not good for me. This is way better than Coke." Ha.
As it turns out, the Diet Coke gave me a headache.
After eating the meals, I wasn't sure what to expect. After Waffle Shop, I expected to be drowsy and tired. And I was for a little bit. Probably because I came so dangerously close to making myself sick. But literally by the time I was in the car and driving away, I perked right up.
All in all, I felt great afterward, physically. Full of energy and ready to take on the world.
But psychologically, I felt fat. And not "fat" as in, "Oh my god, I probably just gained 5 pounds", although I was feeling that too. I felt fat in the terms that we see fat here in America, I felt the following things: like a failure, like my belly just popped right back out to what it was before I started this diet. But mainly, like a failure...and I remember I kept thinking, "God, I'm such a porker" and trying to suck my belly in further.
Who talks to themselves that way?
This is why it is so important that I get up tomorrow to do my bear runs. I need to follow this through to know that I truly can have cheat days AND lose weight.
I'm falling asleep typing, so I suppose I should go soon.
I must say, I still ate my fish, asparagus and green beans at 9pm (3 hours after last meal, and since it's 12:26am now, I suppose I ate my last meal early enough! I wasn't particularly hungry, but I wasn't full either, so I decided that Amy would probably tell me that it's about sandwiching your meals with clean meals so you're not going to bed with sugar in your system. Well, I don't know...but that's what I'd say. ;)
So, I got home and drank my vinegar. The running joke at the office is that I'm going to find out at the end of all of this that the vinegar was just serving as a conditioning tool: "If you eat sugar, you'll have to drink this vinegar!"
Good thing I trust Amy a thousand times more than that. I suspect it's a detox of some kind. I've talked to lots of people about it, and this appears to be the effect it has on me, so I'm gonna go ahead and call it that.
Well, I'm totally exhausted, so I'm going to have to call it a night. Tomorrow's a big day!
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