So I did. I slept in until about 11am. It was FANTASTIC. I was just laying in bed, drifting in and out of dreams. When I would wake up, for a second, I would wonder, "Should I work out today?" The answer was pretty much "NO". I wanted to lie in bed FOREVER. Finally, when I did wake up, I noticed that I actually felt skinnier. For example, I was laying on my back and I felt my stomach and thought, "Whoa. When did THAT happen?" It just had significantly less fat on it. However, I know better than to expect "feeling skinny" to match numbers on the scale or measurements.
So I got up and started my routine. Drink a couple of gulps of water. Weigh self. Document. Measure self. Document. Cook food while doing measuring.
And, today I got the best surprise! Yesterday, my weight had been 138 something. I totally thought it was a temporary fluctuation, because it's the lowest I had seen my weight since I started this program, and I just wasn't planning on getting excited about it sticking around.
But TODAY, the scale read 137.4! 137.4!
I thought for sure, this will be a result of being dehydrated, since I slept so long and probably sweated out 2 pounds. But, no, my hydration level was normal (according to my scale that I seriously doubt has the capability to measure my hydration level, but whatevs). 137.4!
Then I measured myself and was so pleasantly surprised! For WEEKS, my measurements have stayed pretty much the same. Not to mention, from my pictures yesterday, I wouldn't have been surprised if I had actually gained weight. I was NOT expecting much from these measurements, but I was wrong! My waist is down to 33.5 inches (when I'm letting it all hang out!). I saw differences in other spots too.
Week Eight Week Seven Week One
Weight: 137.4 140.0 145.7
Bust 37 1/2 38 40
L. Arm 10 7/8 10 7/8 11
R Arm 11 11 11
Chest 32 32 3/4 33
Waist 33 1/2 34 1/2 38
Hips 37 1/2 38 39
Butt 39 39 1/4 40
L Thigh 22 1/2 22 1/2 23 1/2
R Thigh 22 1/2 22 1/2 23 1/2
I was so excited I could have jumped up and down. I know I haven't done the program perfectly, and sometimes I cheat myself out of the best results, but this was such a HUGE reward! For every dessert I've turned down, for every slice of pizza I've foregone, THIS was definitely worth it!
I may have jumped up and down and did a little dance. Ok, I totally did.
And then I decided to squeeze in a bear runs workout and to Make It Count.
You all may not understand what this means to me.
You all may have believed from the start that I would be successful at this.
I, however, was not so sure. I'd seen myself fail at this so many times before. In fact, I'm close to the end of the chart I made for myself to measure my weight (and my fat %) for almost 3 months. When I noticed that, my first thought was, "Holy crap, I can't believe you've been doing this for so long." I was genuinely surprised at myself.
And now that I've noticed this about myself-that I fail on purpose sometimes because it's more comfortable to be the likeable girl who is fallible than the successful girl who might just have it all-I can tackle it. I can notice when I'm self-sabotaging or just crumbling from within to stay out of the reach of success.
Amy noticed some of this too, which tells me I'm definitely onto something if it's palpable to other people. But what an exciting discovery about myself! I can only imagine how tackling this thing is going to change my life.
And that's why this is not just about weight loss. For the millionth time, it's about doing something difficult that I've failed at before. And all the thoughts about, "Oh I'm betraying feminism by losing weight" have all but fallen to the wayside. I feel SO much more confident already. I'm taking more time on my appearance, which MATTERS! I'm holding myself accountable in other aspects of my life too. Do the dishes after you eat. Don't leave clothes on the floor. Be on time. Pay bills on time. Floss. Your. Teeth.
And, I'm dreaming bigger. Ever since I visited San Diego when my brother was hit by a drunk driver, it felt like home to me (that may have been because our host was the most incredibly funny, generous, and patient person I'd ever met, and then he met his most incredibly funny, generous and patient now fiancee who was a huge support for the second trip out). I absolutely LOVED the beaches and the mountains and the atmosphere of (what I saw of) the city. I never considered it a reality that I could actually move there, because I spend my time and energy on low-paying work (granted, it's satisfying work and it's the work I want to be doing, with the exception of my part-time job), and it's expensive to live in San Diego. Very expensive, actually. But I dream about it. I would absolutely love it. So, it might take me some time, (quite some time, actually), but I absolutely want to find a way to live there. At the very least, a visit in the near future is doable.
There was one person I knew (only through a friend) who lived out there for awhile but moved back to Pennsylvania saying she had grown up and doesn't need to live out there anymore. When I heard that, I let it smash my dream of living out there. I let it mean that it was childish of me to want to live out there. But, actually, I totally want to be a California girl. I want to run along the mountain ridges and learn how to surf. And their gyms have dog-sitters!!! I just think it's a whole new world for me to explore, with more liberal people to stimulate my brain cells. Would you believe that part of this weight-loss process is in preparation for being in San Diego? I've always thought, ever since I was out there, that I just didn't want to be the chunky girl from PA, sticking out like a sore thumb. I wanted to have the Katy Perry California Girl look. (Totally going against everything feminist I know, but it's just how I feel right now.)
So, that's what I'm aiming for. And, maybe someday I'll grow out of this phase (because I fear I'm not a real feminist if I want to fit into the American standard of beauty), but who says I can't have an absolutely fabulous body while I'm still young???
And...can I rock a six-pack? I mean, am I "good enough" to make it happen? Absolutely!!!
I'm already well on my way.
Til tomorrow. Goodnight.
Oh wait. I didn't give a breakdown of how my day went.
I ate breakfast at 12:30pm (oatmeal, blueberries, eggs, and a banana)
I ate meal #2 at 3pm- protein shake, nuts, apple (never feels like enough)
I ate meal #3 at 5:30pm, chicken (more than 4oz to take care of the fact that I was only going to eat four meals), 1/2 a sweet potato, broccoli, rice cake with peanut butter.
I ate meal #4 at 8pm-cod (more than 4oz) and asparagus pan-fried in a little bit of oil with pepper, and the rest of my broccoli from earlier.
I noticed that I was still really hungry and craving sugar, even though I had two Hulk Shakes today. I thought perhaps it had something to do with not getting enough sleep and letting that hormone get all out of whack. I need to do a few things.
I need to set my regular bedtime, whether my blog is written or not, and I need to actually follow the plan to the letter. I keep making my own adjustments (start eating at 12:30pm, eat four meals, etc), and I just need to stop.
Tomorrow will be better.
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