I can't believe that tomorrow I get to post my weight AND measure again!!! I'm so excited to see what the measurements are.
I followed my plan today. I also waited tables again and had to work around WORKING to get my meals done.
I was superproud of myself today because I made a different decision that I normally wouldn't have made.
Here's how it goes:
I was scheduled to work from 10am until business allows. While at work, someone asked me to cover the Sunday night shift. Since I'm BROKE, I said, "Sure, as long as I have enough time in between shifts to go the gym (and do my laundry), and go home and pick up my other two meals of the day." A deal was struck.
I left at 1:30pm knowing that my next meal was scheduled at 2:30pm. Somehow, even though the gym is LITERALLY .5 miles away from the restaurant, I get there, get my laundry in (laundromat nearby), and BAM! It's 2:10pm.
My original plan:
1. Put clothes in washer, do 22 minutes of abs/pushups, whatever.
2. Put clothes in dryer, do 30 minutes of cardio.
3. Take fast shower.
4. Retrieve clothes.
5. Eat meal at 2:30pm, at home.
Clearly not going to happen. In the interest of being efficient and not being WEIRD, I decided I would just have to push my meal back. What was I going to do? LEAVE the gym, go to the restaurant I work at which has the one ingredient I need from home already perfectly portioned, eat my meal, and then go BACK to the gym???
No. Way too weird. Nobody does that.
Then I got over myself and did exactly that. Went back to the restaurant and ate my meal. Went back to the laundromat. Retrieved my clothes. Went back to the gym. Did 30 minutes of awesome cardio. SUCCESS!
By the way, the damn heart rate monitors do two things: 1) Fail to pick up my heart rate for aggravatingly excessive periods of time, OR 2) Pick up a WRONG heart rate.
I'm plugging away at this arc trainer on Level 5, Cardio, and I'm dying to keep up. Heart Rate Monitor says: 104. I'm like..."Fuck you if that's right." So now, as a personal vendetta to the heart rate monitor, I stay at that breathless pace for the three minutes that it's on higher resistance, and recover for the three minutes that it's a lower resistance until the end of thirty minutes, when I can check it myself. At which point, my heart rate was a pounding 182. And I don't know what that means. Either I'm awesome for keeping my heart rate above the recommended limit, or I'm an idiot. All I care about was that the heart rate monitor LIED TO ME AND I WILL NEVER TRUST IT AGAIN.
So. Great.
Betsy 1, Heart Rate Monitor 0.
Moving on.
I do have to say: I woke up this morning with that crazy energy my nutritionist told me I would have. THAT was exciting! I'm usually annoyingly peppy in the morning ANYWAY, AND I love my coffee. I say, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" so much that several people have commented that I sound like the pig Maxwell in that Geico commercial, "Did the little piggy cry whee whee whee all the way home?" I can't help it. I sometimes wonder if I have a disorder. I just have so much energy I don't know what to do with it. So I clap and make noise, and close doors by kicking it (behind me) and stretching my arms out upward and saying, "Superman!" and other annoying, random things.
So that's what I did when I burst into work this morning. I bounced in there, said, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm THAT girl today!" The 20-something guys (hm, I guess I worked with all guys this morning) were hungover, NOT impressed, and said...with an irritated look on their faces: Guy 1) "Did you say you're BAT Girl?" Guy 2) "Are you on drugs?" Guy 3) Blank stare. What the fuck is happening.
Anyway, I had a good day today.
I had two revelations:
1. I have believed that the way I look MOST OF THE TIME is how I look when I am actively holding in my stomach. This is not accurate. It just occurred to me today that for a long, long time, I would look at myself in the mirror, while sucking in my belly (I would ONLY look at myself that way), and decided that I looked good. That's all fine and great, but I am definitely not holding in my belly 24 hours a day. Probably not even two hours a day. So, how I really look pretty much ALL of the time is how I look when I am NOT holding in my belly. Which I have decided is NOT how I want to present myself. That gave me some more fuel for this quest. I want to look good and not worry about holding in my belly. And stop lying to myself. That'd be great.
2. I have been avoiding getting a personal trainer or guidance from other professionals for two reasons: cost (not really...more of an excuse), and other people I know have lost weight without having to use a professional, and so I am still a loser if I lose the weight WITH help, because I couldn't do it without. I'm still not as good as those other people.
This was a huge revelation. I knew that I had that thought, "No, I can't/won't use a professional because I don't need one. Other people have done it without, so therefore, I don't need one." But I didn't know where it came from. These little nuggets of growth are what you get from working out, I've discovered. While I was on the treadmill, I realized the source of that thought. A person from my past would never give me credit for "successes". And I believed it. To illustrate: If I did better than this person at something, this person would cite 17 reasons why it didn't count. For example, if "my team" won and "their team" lost, all I heard was "Yeah, but the offense couldn't break through our defense. Your team never got a touchdown." Equivalent to: my team (or myself, really) is still better than yours (you). It was totally nonsensical and clearly had to do more with this person's issues with losing than with reality. If it was a test that I did better on, it was, "Yeah, but I didn't have to sit down and make notecards to get my score. I got that score without studying." Equivalent to: I am still smarter than you. Again, that person's problem. Had nothing to do with me. But I couldn't see that. I took it on as truth. I really absorbed it. I believed it. So much so that it's still in my life at 30 years old.
Clarification: I am not blaming that person or any other person for my behavior. What happened was that person (and plenty of other people) did what they did. The problem was that I then did it to myself thereafter. No more!
What a revelation to realize how much influence this has had! And now that I've noticed it, it doesn't HAVE to influence me anymore! I have literally LIVED by that theme: "I am not as good as anybody else unless I can succeed at things the same way they did." How stupid and absurd. Not to mention a recipe for failure!
Now it feels so freeing to know that, 1) I don't have to live by that logic anymore now that I've noticed it, 2) I'm gonna do this! I'm gonna be 120lbs or something again! I'm going to look amazing, and I don't give a flying fuck how I got there as long it is healthy and lasting!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
I followed my plan today. I also waited tables again and had to work around WORKING to get my meals done.
I was superproud of myself today because I made a different decision that I normally wouldn't have made.
Here's how it goes:
I was scheduled to work from 10am until business allows. While at work, someone asked me to cover the Sunday night shift. Since I'm BROKE, I said, "Sure, as long as I have enough time in between shifts to go the gym (and do my laundry), and go home and pick up my other two meals of the day." A deal was struck.
I left at 1:30pm knowing that my next meal was scheduled at 2:30pm. Somehow, even though the gym is LITERALLY .5 miles away from the restaurant, I get there, get my laundry in (laundromat nearby), and BAM! It's 2:10pm.
My original plan:
1. Put clothes in washer, do 22 minutes of abs/pushups, whatever.
2. Put clothes in dryer, do 30 minutes of cardio.
3. Take fast shower.
4. Retrieve clothes.
5. Eat meal at 2:30pm, at home.
Clearly not going to happen. In the interest of being efficient and not being WEIRD, I decided I would just have to push my meal back. What was I going to do? LEAVE the gym, go to the restaurant I work at which has the one ingredient I need from home already perfectly portioned, eat my meal, and then go BACK to the gym???
No. Way too weird. Nobody does that.
Then I got over myself and did exactly that. Went back to the restaurant and ate my meal. Went back to the laundromat. Retrieved my clothes. Went back to the gym. Did 30 minutes of awesome cardio. SUCCESS!
By the way, the damn heart rate monitors do two things: 1) Fail to pick up my heart rate for aggravatingly excessive periods of time, OR 2) Pick up a WRONG heart rate.
I'm plugging away at this arc trainer on Level 5, Cardio, and I'm dying to keep up. Heart Rate Monitor says: 104. I'm like..."Fuck you if that's right." So now, as a personal vendetta to the heart rate monitor, I stay at that breathless pace for the three minutes that it's on higher resistance, and recover for the three minutes that it's a lower resistance until the end of thirty minutes, when I can check it myself. At which point, my heart rate was a pounding 182. And I don't know what that means. Either I'm awesome for keeping my heart rate above the recommended limit, or I'm an idiot. All I care about was that the heart rate monitor LIED TO ME AND I WILL NEVER TRUST IT AGAIN.
So. Great.
Betsy 1, Heart Rate Monitor 0.
Moving on.
I do have to say: I woke up this morning with that crazy energy my nutritionist told me I would have. THAT was exciting! I'm usually annoyingly peppy in the morning ANYWAY, AND I love my coffee. I say, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" so much that several people have commented that I sound like the pig Maxwell in that Geico commercial, "Did the little piggy cry whee whee whee all the way home?" I can't help it. I sometimes wonder if I have a disorder. I just have so much energy I don't know what to do with it. So I clap and make noise, and close doors by kicking it (behind me) and stretching my arms out upward and saying, "Superman!" and other annoying, random things.
So that's what I did when I burst into work this morning. I bounced in there, said, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm THAT girl today!" The 20-something guys (hm, I guess I worked with all guys this morning) were hungover, NOT impressed, and said...with an irritated look on their faces: Guy 1) "Did you say you're BAT Girl?" Guy 2) "Are you on drugs?" Guy 3) Blank stare. What the fuck is happening.
Anyway, I had a good day today.
I had two revelations:
1. I have believed that the way I look MOST OF THE TIME is how I look when I am actively holding in my stomach. This is not accurate. It just occurred to me today that for a long, long time, I would look at myself in the mirror, while sucking in my belly (I would ONLY look at myself that way), and decided that I looked good. That's all fine and great, but I am definitely not holding in my belly 24 hours a day. Probably not even two hours a day. So, how I really look pretty much ALL of the time is how I look when I am NOT holding in my belly. Which I have decided is NOT how I want to present myself. That gave me some more fuel for this quest. I want to look good and not worry about holding in my belly. And stop lying to myself. That'd be great.
2. I have been avoiding getting a personal trainer or guidance from other professionals for two reasons: cost (not really...more of an excuse), and other people I know have lost weight without having to use a professional, and so I am still a loser if I lose the weight WITH help, because I couldn't do it without. I'm still not as good as those other people.
This was a huge revelation. I knew that I had that thought, "No, I can't/won't use a professional because I don't need one. Other people have done it without, so therefore, I don't need one." But I didn't know where it came from. These little nuggets of growth are what you get from working out, I've discovered. While I was on the treadmill, I realized the source of that thought. A person from my past would never give me credit for "successes". And I believed it. To illustrate: If I did better than this person at something, this person would cite 17 reasons why it didn't count. For example, if "my team" won and "their team" lost, all I heard was "Yeah, but the offense couldn't break through our defense. Your team never got a touchdown." Equivalent to: my team (or myself, really) is still better than yours (you). It was totally nonsensical and clearly had to do more with this person's issues with losing than with reality. If it was a test that I did better on, it was, "Yeah, but I didn't have to sit down and make notecards to get my score. I got that score without studying." Equivalent to: I am still smarter than you. Again, that person's problem. Had nothing to do with me. But I couldn't see that. I took it on as truth. I really absorbed it. I believed it. So much so that it's still in my life at 30 years old.
Clarification: I am not blaming that person or any other person for my behavior. What happened was that person (and plenty of other people) did what they did. The problem was that I then did it to myself thereafter. No more!
What a revelation to realize how much influence this has had! And now that I've noticed it, it doesn't HAVE to influence me anymore! I have literally LIVED by that theme: "I am not as good as anybody else unless I can succeed at things the same way they did." How stupid and absurd. Not to mention a recipe for failure!
Now it feels so freeing to know that, 1) I don't have to live by that logic anymore now that I've noticed it, 2) I'm gonna do this! I'm gonna be 120lbs or something again! I'm going to look amazing, and I don't give a flying fuck how I got there as long it is healthy and lasting!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
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