I may even be starting to get a handle on my anxiety/panic attacks. I can't entirely explain it, but sometimes the phrase, "Don't borrow trouble" helps. My newfound tool is to accept each moment like I chose it. That it is as it should be. Even if terrible things happen. But usually, it's not terrible things that happen, I'm just paralyzed in fear that terrible things will happen.
Just writing that made me think, "Great. Tempting fate, are we?" But. I've learned I can't control everything. But I will survive. Until I don't. And when I don't survive, I won't care because I will be dead. But, I will probably live a long life and die of old age. Or a heart attack from all of this anxiety.
But the anxiety is an important thing to get under control, because when I panic, I need to self-soothe when it's over. If alcohol or hard drugs (that's a joke) aren't available, food or coffee-the kind that's actually a milkshake-will also soothe quite nicely. And then AFTER the panic, whether I self-soothe or not, I'm exhausted and not at all motivated to do what I'm supposed to do.
I was just thinking today about how much my habits have changed since I started this endeavor two years ago. I'm thinking I should keep good track of what I'm doing differently now...because I'm sure people will want to know ... And I will want to be able to tell them-how I made those adjustments. How I changed my habits. At what speed?
Anyway. It's bedtime.
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