3.3.2014

Two weeks ago I started with a goal of having 100% diet compliance for 6 weeks. 

I'm learning that it's great to have long term goals, but it's essential to have shorter term goals, weekly goals, and daily goals. 

I've only been doing ok on my goal. Actually. I can't say that at all. I never made a strict plan of meal 1 thru meal 6 so it's hard to say that I've been compliant or not. I HAVE been logging some meals on myfitnesspal.com and that's really an awesome tool. I also downloaded LBC's (lean bodies consulting) app for substitutions. 

I went away for the weekend and totally indulged. I drank wine, ate white bread...had a great time. But I didn't stick to my goal. 

Looking forward, I'm setting my goal for FOUR WEEKS 100% compliance. I will definitely need to set aside time to set up a meal grid.  And I will need to prioritize logging my meals on myfitnesspal.com, and blogging everyday. 

Today, I was carrying around fatigue that has built up over the past two weeks. So I took a nap. I also caved to my craving of pizza and shrimp and corn chowder. And a piece of chocolate brownie cheesecake. 

However, when I woke up, I wanted NOTHING more than I wanted a burger from Texas Roadhouse, with a baked potato. I really didn't think I had it in me to fight off that craving, but the longer I sat with it, the more I realized that this was a moment when I needed to remember this: when you are chasing a goal, you cannot let THE WAY YOU FEEL decide WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO. The only difference between who I am, and who I want to be is WHAT I DO. 

Today I chose to drink apple cider vinegar as a detox, write my blog, and go to bed. 

I should get started thinking about a reward for four weeks of compliance!

2.19.2014

In keeping with the theme of being ready for a change, I am really happy to say that I stepped out of my comfort zone and learned something about myself. 

I am BORED with my food, and that's why it's so hard to stay on my plan. With THAT revelation I began to see the practical application of the idea "make it a lifestyle change". I had been prepping my chicken and salad thinking subconsciously "this is temporary" and therefore WAITING for the day I could EAT AGAIN!

So just recently, I realized that I need to ENJOY cooking for myself, taking care of myself (doing the dishes, grocery shopping, etc) and I need to spend time finding recipes I like. Maybe over time baked chicken and greens will be what I crave, but for now, I've learned I've got to make changes I can stick with. 

Today the thought of, "So I will have to eat this way FOREVER" downright horrified me. And I realized I hadn't made a mindset change. 

So I'm working on that. 

I also realized that I manage my time much like I manage my money: I do what I feel like. So I'm also doing more planning, and most importantly, EXECUTING that plan. That said, it's after my bedtime. Good night!

2.18.2014

Everything about my life right now is screaming that I am ready for a change. I've been working too hard and ended up getting sick over the weekend. That never happens. 

But the *change* urge showed up while I was feeling so sick and tired that I couldn't DO anything at the moment. Right now, it's really about wanting my surroundings to be clutter-free and organized, and wanting the same thing for my time. 

For tonight, my food is ready, my gym bag is packed and I'm ready for tomorrow!

1/22/2014

I learned another AWESOME LESSON about not telling people about my goal. I would USE "my goal" to explain why I can't/won't do certain things that people ask me to do. But now that tool is taken away because I can't say: "sorry, I really want to go to your party because it will hurt my goal."  Nope. Now I have to say no and not really explain. And deal with the consequences. 

AND IT IS AWESOME. 

I discovered that all along, while I was doing that, I was desperately hoping that the other person would VALUE MY GOAL enough to let me off the hook. But NOW, I have to VALUE MY OWN GOAL enough to make decisions that serve it WITHOUT getting approval from other people. 

And you know, it's not that much harder, but it is SO MUCH BETTER. I really feel like this thing is MINE. Nobody else can make or break this for me. 

1/14/2014

It's 7:50pm and I am in bed! Which is great because for two nights now, I've gotten six hours of sleep. So tonight I'm going to try to make up for that. 

I am SUPER tired-my job was pretty taxing today, and I really worked my back this morning. So, I am both physically and mentally tired. 

I am awfully proud of myself though. I ate according to plan today, although I only had four meals on account of going to bed so early and eating my first meal at 7:30am. 

I intended to look at my meal plan tonight but I simply do not have the energy. I will look at it tomorrow and also add it to myfitnesspal.com. 

Also tomorrow I plan on taking before pics and entering the transformation contest on bb.com. At first I only wanted to enter to try and win. But now I want to enter just to be surrounded by people who are doing the same thing I'm doing. Also, I want to enter to transform MYSELF. That's the real prize, regardless of if you win anything. 

1/13/2014

I had a very well-disciplined day today. I ate my meals practically on time. 

That's all fine and great, but I STILL haven't sat down and counted calories to make a plan. That's important because I find that when I don't have concrete, measurable goals, I find it's ok to have a bowl of cereal at 7:30pm because there are not clear indicators of whether that is going to derail my efforts or not. 

I've been struggling with if I should eat clean or if I should simply stay in my calorie range while still allowing myself treats. That's something that Lean Bodies Consulting does. They allow for a post-workout treat. 

I have been allowing for two or three treats during the day and I'm not measuring if it's making any change. 

So I'm thinking I need to bring it down to ONE treat, once a day. 

Then I can start really measuring whether or not I'm making progress. 

Chances are, right now I'm not. 

I do need to celebrate that yesterday after work I REALLY wanted something that would hurt my goals. I wanted Chick-Fil-A or a soup from Wegmans. However, I made the decision to drive home and have chicken with salad and a sweet potato. It worked! It did the trick. 

Now I can build on that success!

1/8/2014

I am TIRED. Every day I've been so tired. Today I didn't even get up until 6:45. Meant to get up at 6!

Anyway, I did half of my leg workout, but I'm ok with that. I was running late. 

I ate GREAT today. The big win is that I went to bed at 7:30. My goal this week was to be in bed by 8 and tonight was the first night I did it. Hooray for me. 

I'm going to read until I'm ready to sleep. 

1/7/2014

It is 9:23pm and I just got into bed. I missed my bedtime by a long shot because I didn't do my food prep on Sunday. 

I am super proud of myself for getting lots of food prepped for tomorrow though. 

Tomorrow night will also be a night for food prep...probably for the rest of the week. 

Maybe tomorrow will be the night I get to bed in time. 

In other news, I really WANTED to get to bed on time because I did back today And it has totally wiped me out. I added assisted pull ups to Jamie Eason's 12 week trainer because by the end of the month I want to see a major improvement in my pull-ups. 

Alright. Lights out. 

1/6/2014

All in all, I'd have to say, I've had a successful first day!  Things weren't perfect, and I definitely didn't hit all my goals, but I feel really good about today. 

I was underprepared for food today because I was having too much fun on Sunday. Tomorrow I'm in practically the same boat except I don't have any cottage cheese. 

Today I ate:

Meal 1-3/4 cup egg whites

Meal 2-3/4 cup egg whites, 1/2 cup oatmeal (measured dry) 1/2 cup strawberries, 1/2 serving almonds. 

Meal 3-3.5 oz chicken, 1+cup Wegmans spring mix, 2T salad dressing, 1/2 yam, 1/2 pat butter 

Meal 4-1 cup cottage cheese, 1 apple, 1/2 serving almonds 

Meal 5-repeat meal 3

Meal 6- 6oz cod 8 asparagus stalks (pan fried in olive oil (not the best way to prepare cod. However, it was nothing short of delicious.)

I didn't have any treats today. I am currently drinking my glutamine, which became a nice bedtime routine for me awhile back. 

I didn't get to the gym as early as I would have liked today, but I got my whole workout in, so that makes me very happy. 

My successes today were being in bed by 8:30 even though I didn't get home until 7:45pm and still did the dishes and cooked cod. Also, it's a success that I went the whole day without having one of my designated treats!

Tomorrow, my goals will be the same: stick to my routine. Get up at 5, get to work by 8, get to bed by 8. 

1/5/2014

I crossed a new hurdle today. In the vein of making a change, I decided to eat something within the limits of my plan when I went out to eat. 

It was hard, but I did it. I had a grilled chicken salad with oil and vinegar. Granted, there was cheese and fries on the salad, but for the first week, I am allowing some wiggle room. 

As I go along the program I will make adjustments. The plan is to build on small successes. Tonight's dinner was definitely a success. 

Tomorrow's meals are ready. At least, the ones that require some prep. I still need to do some food prep tomorrow night. Like hard boiled eggs, turkey muffins, kale shakes. Although I feel like the kale does better things for me when I don't drink it like a shake. But sometimes you've just got to do a liquid meal for time. I certainly don't have time to chew on kale 4 times a day. 

My goal this week is to be in bed by 8pm, lights out by 9pm. Tonight I made it in bed by 8:13pm. That's pretty good. Now I need to read and go to sleep. 

1/4/2014

It's Saturday night at 8:47pm and I am happily in bed. I've been gearing up to commit to a lifestyle change. I had been calling it a 12 week plan or even a six month plan, but I'm finding that one of my problems is calling it a plan. In my brain, a plan sounds like a temporary thing, a commitment that you will put a lot of energy into for the duration of time that you are on it, and then after awhile you can take a deep breath and relax while you dive head first OFF your plan and eat everything you've wished you could have had for six months. 

But that's exactly the type of thinking that has failed me. 

That's the kind of strategy that has failed me. 

I'm looking forward to the process of changing my habits. I've yet to achieve my goal of seeing my belly muscles because I've taken on the behaviors of a serial dieter...on plan off plan on plan off plan. And things stay pretty much the same. 

 

In order to break this pattern, I am going to follow Martha Beck's advice and create small successes and build from there. 

The first week my goal will be to be in bed by 8pm every night. 

What I learned from a site called Lean Bodies Consulting is to pick the thing you keep struggling with and choose a week to conquer it. I suppose Chalene Johnson says the same thing with her PUSH goals. 

At any rate, I am very happy to report that tonight I got home much earlier than expected, so I plan on catching up on some sleep tonight. Tomorrow is a big food prep, laundry and "before" pics day. 

My big challenge is to RECOGNIZE AND REJECT my urges to sabotage or otherwise fail myself. I changed my habit of smoking by doing that. 

In order to do this, I must have a clear plan of what meals to eat at what time. And when I have an urge to eat something that is not on that plan, I can watch the urge. It should peak, drop, and disappear. 

The first week, I'm not going to go completely cold turkey clean. I'm building in treats. I'm not sure if that's the BEST thing to do, but I wanted to start with a week that I could easily meet with success. 

I've also got to figure out what my rewards will be for completing my first week successfully. 

And I suppose I should create rules for myself along the way, such as "I plan meals ahead of time". And along with that build an identity that says: this is who I am. 

Speaking of which, my motto is: Show Don't Tell. 

I learned from a friend that when you share your goals (especially difficult goals) with people, you get a reward when they praise you that is so similar to the feeling you might feel from ACTUALLY ACHIEVING your goal that it's enough. And your drive to accomplish the goal is significantly reduced, which is why lots of people do not follow thru. 

So I know that I'm blogging about my process and my journey, but only a few friends read this, and it's really for my own accountability.  All that said, I think it will be ok. Blogging has been a very effective way of holding myself accountable in the past and I'm looking forward to using it as a tool again. 

The idea is to SHOW people what I'm doing instead of telling them what I'm going to do. Some things will have to be kept under wraps. 

Finally, since it is 9:08pm, my parting thought is that I started to wonder if maybe I didn't really want to achieve this goal. Maybe I was doing it for external praise or recognition. And, while I think the external praise and recognition plays a role, no matter what happens I always come back to this. I want to master my fitness. I do not want to be a slave to my cravings. 

Day 1 starts Monday!

Hosted by Maybelle. 

Pre-plan stages

So the holidays are here and I took a trip home, which usually throws my whole schedule off. Between sleeping, eating, writing, and exercising, there just isn't a whole lot I do well when I'm at home. Plus I tend to have a couple of drinks here and there. 

So today was my first full day back in my own town, back to work at my full time and part-time job. 

I didn't have high expectations for mysf because I didn't prep any food. 

However, I am pretty proud of myself for simply exercising the ability to make choices. I read something in a Brian Tracy book this morning that really helped. I'll share that sometime, but not tonight. 

Today, my little victories were making good choices when it would have been SO EASY to fall into my familiar pattern of eating for comfort. But I didn't do it. And, I chose not to have any alcohol. Two wins!

Well, I guess I did eat a little bit for comfort today. Just for honesty's sake, I'll ADMIT to what I ate. 

9am Panera blueberry bagel and cream cheese with coffee (milk and one sugar)

2pm slice of turkey, cup+ of green beans and cup+ of Mac and cheese--all from Wegmans. Yep...it was a compromise because I chose the turkey and green beans instead of the soup and pizza. The unfortunate thing was that it wasn't enough food and I stated hungry after I ate. So I had a chocolate. And dealt with the hunger.  I was surprised at how intolerable I found it. Eventually, I remembered I would be ok.

5pm Green Bowl. 3oz pork, spinach, squash, mushrooms, onion, broccoli, carrots, one scoop pineapple curry, one scoop teriyaki, one scoop sesame oil. 1 cup brown rice. Yum. 

7:30pm 3oz chicken, spinach, carrots, squash, mushrooms, broccoli, kidney beans, one scoop sesame oil, 1/2 cup white rice

10:30pn two chocolate peanut butter meltaways. Mmmmmmm. 

Anyway. I still need to create a plan and get ready for it...well by Sunday I need to be ready for WEEK ONE!

Kickoff 2014

My very first video!  This is so much fun!
Here's what I'm working on for today:
My meal plan/calorie plan and how it progressively gets cleaner.
My daily routine/checklist.
My goals:  fitness (unassisted pull-ups, for sure!); body fat; diet compliance.
Also, some R&R with my Martha Beck books. :)

Week 1, Day 6

I'm absolutely beat, so I'm not going to say much except that I remembered some key mental things that will help me stay on track. Mainly, that experiencing failure is not the same as BEING a failure. I think I've been taking that on as an identity for a long time. One behavior change that I came up with out of this realization is that in stead of calling it "going off plan" when I want to cheat otherwise do things that take me further away from my goal... I decided that instead I will call it "reverting" so that I remember exactly what it means. This is not an on-plan, off-plan operation. This is my new life. And I choose it. 

Week 1 Day 4 I killed my diet plan today

I had a great day today. I got my body fat tested and I gained WAY LESS than I anticipated!  I thought for sure I was back at square one. But I only gained 1.2%!  This was super exciting because it's just a relief! Like, wow, I didn't completely throw away all that work!!!

Then I went on to have a pretty solid shoulder workout, and I had time, so I threw in some cardio too! Just 15 minutes of intervals on the cybex machine. 

One thing I noticed today is that following my realization that what makes this my last "starting over" phase are the small, permanent identity changes I will be making. One of them is that I am a "healthy eater". That means it's not a spectacle or anything out of the ordinary for me to eat plain chicken and vegetables. I shouldn't draw attention to it or explain why I'm doing it because it's so boring, typical, routine. It GETS attention because it's different. But I've learned that I need to STOP explaining my meals to anyone who notices/asks.  It's not as if anyone gets all curious and inquisitive when someone gets pizza for lunch. It's just what they do. Eating this way is just what I do. 

Anyway, I totally NAILED my diet today. I ate everything I was supposed to eat, no extras, no fibbing, and I MEASURED MORE!  Today I measured my salad dressing. Just one tablespoon every time. I'm still getting my treats, but I'm really enjoying my progress on my meals. 

Week 1 Day 3

I'm so proud of myself today!!!  I am remembering key pieces of the "how-to" parts of this, like: build small successes so you see yourself as a success, not a failure. 

My proudest accomplishment today was NOT HAVING ANY WINE. I was at a friend's house finishing up a stressful task, and drinking wine is what I USED TO DO when I went to her house. I wasn't really sure how I was going to manage to AVOID IT. It was a perfect storm- after work, I'm tired, this task drives me batty...

But then I remembered that I am getting my body fat tested tomorrow at 8am and NO WAY was I going to put alcohol in my system for that. Which reminds me...I wonder how to take a picture of that for my blog...I'll think about it. 

Diet was pretty good today. 

6:00am coffee and egg whites

8:30am, eggs and oats

9am decaf coffee

10:45am <1 cup cottage cheese

12:30pm green bowl-chicken, vegetables, sesame oil, 1/2 cup white rice. (I made improvements here-no noodles, no sugary sauces, and half the oil I used yesterday)

2:00pm string cheese 12oz diet pepsi

4:00pm chicken 6oz? Cup of greens, salad dressing, chick peas, jello lemon meringue (80 calories)

9pm skinny cow ice cream sandwich

My goal right now isn't to have a PERFECT diet, it's to make this a slower change, one that doesn't FEEL like much of a change. I am pretty happy with what I did today, except the Diet Pepsi. 

My leg workout was awesome and now I'm in bed at a reasonable hour. Sleep will be awesome. 

Week 1 Day 2.

Did great today. 

Breakfast was eggs and oats

11am-cottage cheese

12:30pm- chicken, salad, salad dressing, sweet potato, butter, jello lemon meringue

5:30pm- green bowl-chicken, veggies, with rice noodles, sesame oil, oyster sauce, teriyaki, white rice, and some salty broth. 

I know that's not perfect, and it's not intended to be. I'm just in the process of building little successes. And today, I wanted a fried chicken sandwich like you would not believe. 

I realized I'd have to OWN eating it and changed my mind. 

And then I remembered what it felt like to overcome something like that. But now I'm super tired. Onward to tomorrow. 

Week 1 Day 2

Yesterday started out GREAT. I got up, had my stuff ready for the day, packed my meals and headed to the gym. I felt great. 

But then I went and did a training for three hours. I didn't eat when I should have because I left my food in the car. 

Then they served lunch. I had to make a decision to eat my food or to try to choose wisely from what they had. 

They really didn't have ANYTHING that fit my plan. They also did not have a microwave last time, and gave me a hard time about eating my own good, saying they could have prepared something for me. 

For the record, I don't care for people to TRY and prepare something unless they truly understand what I'm trying to do and WHY I'm eating the way I am. Usually people prepare something that doesn't fit my plan and then I feel ungrateful for not being thrilled about it. 

Anyway, I had a turkey sandwich on a pretzel roll with cheese and some chicken noodle soup. I did choose AGAINST the chips, pasta salad, ciabatta Italian sandwich. I ate slowly and paid attention to when I didn't want anymore. I still had an after-meal slump. 

It's EASIER to just eat clean than to try and wade through choices. 

Then I went back to work and was in a meeting from 1:30 to 4:00. Skipped a meal again. At 4, I had my chicken and salad (with a little bit of dressing). And my treat-a lemon meringue jello dessert thing. It's total crap, but I'm allowing myself a few treats this first few weeks to ease into the habit of eating clean. I was still hungry. I skipped my carbs bc of the pretzel roll I are earlier. 

I went home, ate an ice cream sandwich-skinny cow. 

I HATE having to document this, but it is helpful. I then started working on this goal I have. It's stressful to work on it because it's DIFFICULT. But I did get started. Many times I found myself wanting relief from the stress in the form of a beer. But I turned my attention BACK to the project until 9:30 or so. So I worked from 5:30 to 9:30 and I should be proud of that!

However, I also need to change this habit. At 9:30, I was stressed, tapped out, overwhelmed. I gave in to the notion that I DESERVED a beer. I worked hard! I earned it! This is not helping me reach my goals. I also told myself I deserved to watch Game of Thrones. 

The only beer in my fridge was my roommate's Mad Elf, and that stuff is POTENT. Of course I drank one, and of course I didn't stop at one. I had two. And then I ate three string cheeses and the rest of the crackers I had, which wasn't much, maybe 8 crackers. Then I ate my roommate's potato chips and dip. I can't believe I have to admit that. But, it's time to get honest about what I'm eating and why. My non-negotiable goals this week are to DOCUMENT what I eat and honor my bedtime. Last night, I was up til midnight or later. Onward. Today's a new day. 

Week 5 Day 2

I have been off my plan since Friday. I was exhausted and decided to have a beer. It was all downhill from there. I didn't get enough rest all weekend and came down with something on Sunday. 

But. Starting tonight, I'm back on my affirmations, and I'm ready to eat clean again.  

Week 4 Day 3

What a successful day! I did get a slow slow start to the gym this morning, because I turned my phone off and forgot to turn it back on. Oops!  Woke up at 7am, naturally. That was really pleasant. 

Anyway, this morning at the gym, this guy just walked right up to me, told me he noticed me, said he thought I was pretty cute and wanted to get to know me better! It totally made my day...first, I told him that it was really brave to approach me, and next, I told him I was probably ten years older than him. Turns out, that's true, but he was undeterred. Fine by me! Anyway, after that, I thought, "I should just go back to bed, I don't think anything else that fun is going to happen today."

But I kind of finished my workout, picked up a few groceries and got on my way. 

I knew I had planned to do a second workout of cardio today, but 5:00 hit, and I had so many excuses not to. Like, it doesn't matter, I'm tired, I ate too late, I don't feel like it. You know. But I remembered, in an accidental kind of way that one of my affirmations is, "I follow though". I call it accidental because...since I repeat them morning and night, they become part of my inner dialogue. So, instead of ONLY hearing the voices that would have me go home, I also heard a voice that expected me to follow through. 

So I went back to the gym. But I so didn't feel like it. First, I finished my biceps workout. Unfortunately, this morning my headphones quit on me, so while I was doing my bicep curls, I heard these two guys, one was huge in a roidy kind of way...that might be rude to say about people, but I don't know what else to call it. They walk around like they have a metal rod in the shape of an arrow (pointing up) supporting their spine and arms. KWIM?  Anyway, I almost laughed out loud because they were both doing this RIDICULOUS testosteroney verbal posturing about how awesome they thought themselves were, while simultaneously cutting each other down. Maybe this is just what guys do, but I totally wanted to interject, "No MY dick is bigger than yours!"  Ah, but I didn't. 

After arms, I thought quite seriously about that being enough. But I really wanted to make this week work for me. So I agreed to do just a little cardio. Long story short, twenty minutes later, I had convinced myself to do JUST ONE round of this tough tough cardio routine. Once that was complete, I convinced myself to do two more, which completed the workout I had planned to do. Could hardly believe it. I just kept repeating the things that I learned from my vulnerable yoga class: I have a strong mental game. I can. Where I am right now is ok. 

Good night!