Week 1, Day 6

I'm absolutely beat, so I'm not going to say much except that I remembered some key mental things that will help me stay on track. Mainly, that experiencing failure is not the same as BEING a failure. I think I've been taking that on as an identity for a long time. One behavior change that I came up with out of this realization is that in stead of calling it "going off plan" when I want to cheat otherwise do things that take me further away from my goal... I decided that instead I will call it "reverting" so that I remember exactly what it means. This is not an on-plan, off-plan operation. This is my new life. And I choose it. 

Week 1 Day 4 I killed my diet plan today

I had a great day today. I got my body fat tested and I gained WAY LESS than I anticipated!  I thought for sure I was back at square one. But I only gained 1.2%!  This was super exciting because it's just a relief! Like, wow, I didn't completely throw away all that work!!!

Then I went on to have a pretty solid shoulder workout, and I had time, so I threw in some cardio too! Just 15 minutes of intervals on the cybex machine. 

One thing I noticed today is that following my realization that what makes this my last "starting over" phase are the small, permanent identity changes I will be making. One of them is that I am a "healthy eater". That means it's not a spectacle or anything out of the ordinary for me to eat plain chicken and vegetables. I shouldn't draw attention to it or explain why I'm doing it because it's so boring, typical, routine. It GETS attention because it's different. But I've learned that I need to STOP explaining my meals to anyone who notices/asks.  It's not as if anyone gets all curious and inquisitive when someone gets pizza for lunch. It's just what they do. Eating this way is just what I do. 

Anyway, I totally NAILED my diet today. I ate everything I was supposed to eat, no extras, no fibbing, and I MEASURED MORE!  Today I measured my salad dressing. Just one tablespoon every time. I'm still getting my treats, but I'm really enjoying my progress on my meals. 

Week 1 Day 3

I'm so proud of myself today!!!  I am remembering key pieces of the "how-to" parts of this, like: build small successes so you see yourself as a success, not a failure. 

My proudest accomplishment today was NOT HAVING ANY WINE. I was at a friend's house finishing up a stressful task, and drinking wine is what I USED TO DO when I went to her house. I wasn't really sure how I was going to manage to AVOID IT. It was a perfect storm- after work, I'm tired, this task drives me batty...

But then I remembered that I am getting my body fat tested tomorrow at 8am and NO WAY was I going to put alcohol in my system for that. Which reminds me...I wonder how to take a picture of that for my blog...I'll think about it. 

Diet was pretty good today. 

6:00am coffee and egg whites

8:30am, eggs and oats

9am decaf coffee

10:45am <1 cup cottage cheese

12:30pm green bowl-chicken, vegetables, sesame oil, 1/2 cup white rice. (I made improvements here-no noodles, no sugary sauces, and half the oil I used yesterday)

2:00pm string cheese 12oz diet pepsi

4:00pm chicken 6oz? Cup of greens, salad dressing, chick peas, jello lemon meringue (80 calories)

9pm skinny cow ice cream sandwich

My goal right now isn't to have a PERFECT diet, it's to make this a slower change, one that doesn't FEEL like much of a change. I am pretty happy with what I did today, except the Diet Pepsi. 

My leg workout was awesome and now I'm in bed at a reasonable hour. Sleep will be awesome. 

Week 1 Day 2.

Did great today. 

Breakfast was eggs and oats

11am-cottage cheese

12:30pm- chicken, salad, salad dressing, sweet potato, butter, jello lemon meringue

5:30pm- green bowl-chicken, veggies, with rice noodles, sesame oil, oyster sauce, teriyaki, white rice, and some salty broth. 

I know that's not perfect, and it's not intended to be. I'm just in the process of building little successes. And today, I wanted a fried chicken sandwich like you would not believe. 

I realized I'd have to OWN eating it and changed my mind. 

And then I remembered what it felt like to overcome something like that. But now I'm super tired. Onward to tomorrow. 

Week 1 Day 2

Yesterday started out GREAT. I got up, had my stuff ready for the day, packed my meals and headed to the gym. I felt great. 

But then I went and did a training for three hours. I didn't eat when I should have because I left my food in the car. 

Then they served lunch. I had to make a decision to eat my food or to try to choose wisely from what they had. 

They really didn't have ANYTHING that fit my plan. They also did not have a microwave last time, and gave me a hard time about eating my own good, saying they could have prepared something for me. 

For the record, I don't care for people to TRY and prepare something unless they truly understand what I'm trying to do and WHY I'm eating the way I am. Usually people prepare something that doesn't fit my plan and then I feel ungrateful for not being thrilled about it. 

Anyway, I had a turkey sandwich on a pretzel roll with cheese and some chicken noodle soup. I did choose AGAINST the chips, pasta salad, ciabatta Italian sandwich. I ate slowly and paid attention to when I didn't want anymore. I still had an after-meal slump. 

It's EASIER to just eat clean than to try and wade through choices. 

Then I went back to work and was in a meeting from 1:30 to 4:00. Skipped a meal again. At 4, I had my chicken and salad (with a little bit of dressing). And my treat-a lemon meringue jello dessert thing. It's total crap, but I'm allowing myself a few treats this first few weeks to ease into the habit of eating clean. I was still hungry. I skipped my carbs bc of the pretzel roll I are earlier. 

I went home, ate an ice cream sandwich-skinny cow. 

I HATE having to document this, but it is helpful. I then started working on this goal I have. It's stressful to work on it because it's DIFFICULT. But I did get started. Many times I found myself wanting relief from the stress in the form of a beer. But I turned my attention BACK to the project until 9:30 or so. So I worked from 5:30 to 9:30 and I should be proud of that!

However, I also need to change this habit. At 9:30, I was stressed, tapped out, overwhelmed. I gave in to the notion that I DESERVED a beer. I worked hard! I earned it! This is not helping me reach my goals. I also told myself I deserved to watch Game of Thrones. 

The only beer in my fridge was my roommate's Mad Elf, and that stuff is POTENT. Of course I drank one, and of course I didn't stop at one. I had two. And then I ate three string cheeses and the rest of the crackers I had, which wasn't much, maybe 8 crackers. Then I ate my roommate's potato chips and dip. I can't believe I have to admit that. But, it's time to get honest about what I'm eating and why. My non-negotiable goals this week are to DOCUMENT what I eat and honor my bedtime. Last night, I was up til midnight or later. Onward. Today's a new day.