I did not reset my day today. But, I did make some decisions that will allow me to get back on track.
First of all, Amy has me drinking these kale, broccoli, and grape shakes that I actually really like. I've noticed a little surge of energy after I drink them...but I don't know if that's just excitement about doing something uber-healthy and changing the way I see myself...or if it's the nutrient dense snack I just chugged.
But one thing I've noticed about this week is that my enthusiasm evaporated. Today, I took a look at myself and thought, "Where did my excitement go? Why am I not excited about this right now? This is exciting...so why don't I feel it?"
And I discovered it's because I slipped back into the habit of not setting priorities, and letting other people's stuff trump my own. It has not been a priority to eat 5 meals a day. Because if it was, I would have eaten 5 meals a day. It has not been a priority to be in bed by 10pm, because if it was, I wouldn't have stayed up until 1am two nights this week, watching The Voice on Hulu (which was excellent, by the way).
And perhaps, if I was making these things a priority, I'd be getting enough sleep to get up and run before work in the morning or something.
Anyway, so I'm excited again.
This week, I did not work out Tues through Fri. That's because I was going to bed at 12am/1am, and then working for twelve hours, but taking a break in the middle of the day...and not using it to exercise because I was too tired or something.
But things are turning around in my favor. Tonight, my friends who are housing my kitten (they are truly the best people on earth) gave me a ton of chard and kale. Leafy greens! I can't wait to figure out how to implement them into my meals. Amy's got me doing the Kale Shakes, which really help with digestion and sugar cravings, but most importantly, makes me feel like a health badass.
There was a time in the beginning of this that I considered attempting bodybuilding, just to see if I can. That thought returned to me today! Drinking these shakes makes me feel incredible-like I could be the person who rocks the 6 pack all year round. It's a very exciting thing. I just feel so disciplined! My habits are changing, and I get to see the results!
This week my weight hovered under 140lbs (I know that doesn't really mean anything, but the fact that it stayed stuck there for 5 weeks, despite the diet and the exercise, seeing 139.5lbs felt REALLY good). It felt like I broke through some kind of psychological barrier. Truly, my weight dips kind of in groups of four days, so it was like 140.0, 139.8, 139.5, 140.0. It was fun to watch, if nothing else.
Anyway, so I made poor choices this week, like scheduling myself (or inadvertently ending up doing it) for 12 hour work days. I don't have to do that. I also did not have to stay up so late.
The consequences were that I was TIRED. I felt hungrier than normal. I felt less satiated (is that a word?) than normal. I found myself eating peanut butter over my 1 tablespoon allowance. By today, I was so beat that I actually made myself a cup of coffee. Oh yes, you heard that correctly. At 4pm, no less. I was so tired and I needed to take Maybelle to the vet, so I thought, "I've got to have some coffee. Surely this can't be too big of a deal." So I poured it. And then I realized that, "Really? After 6 weeks of not drinking coffee, right NOW is when you need to make several decisions to actually brew the coffee, pour it into a travel mug, put coconut milk in it, and you're actually going to drink it, knowing that Amy said, 'Keep these weeks uber-clean, after this, you'll work things back in, but keep this clean.' Really? You can't suck it up? It's not the same kind of tired as when your sugar levels were all over the place."
But I did, I packed it up and I put it in the car, and I probably took three sips before I realized I could do without it. It's a pretty powerful feeling to be able to get your mind and body to work together. My mind was able to convince my body (other way around?) that I didn't need it. It's an awesome thing that I'm experimenting with. When I'm having some kind of craving now, I don't worry half as much about falling victim to it. I know I have a choice. I know I'm not controlled by cravings. I have to wonder if that's a result of regulating my blood sugar.
Back to my time management: even on the holiday weekend, I packed my days full. So...this weekend I plan on doing a little purging. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to Kerry's yoga class, then I will visit this hopeful new apartment, then I will come home and ORGANIZE.
That's exactly what I did when I first decided to go on this plan, and I haven't had a purging since, and at 6 weeks, I think it's time. I also think it's a big reason why I've been sidetracked. I've got a lot going on in my life, and I haven't had time to deal with it, so my living space reflects that.
I will also catch up on my sleep...somehow. Not sure about that. But I must find a way.
I also made the big decision of going home and back in one day. I was considering going home tonight and spending a couple of days up there. However, that would mean giving up my shift at Green Bowl (that I desperately need) and carting 2 days' worth of food up, and the kitten. I realized that it may be best for me to drill it back a bit and just go home for the day. Sure, it makes for a lot of driving in one day, but I definitely need tomorrow to get my head screwed back on straight.
Hmmm, so I think that's about it. I also drank the vinegar again tonight, just for good measure. I know it will make me feel balanced in the morning. Not too hungry, not craving sugar, but ready for my eggs and oatmeal.
Goodnight, all!
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