Today was a pretty good day. I got up when I woke up 9:30ish, and laid in bed with the kitty for awhile. It's funny that she sleeps when I sleep...I don't know if I've ever had a cat do that before. She also needs more attention than any other cat I've ever had. I guess when they are kittens, they have litter mates. I'm her littermate.
Anyway, so I got up and made myself breakfast, and I did something...oh, I went to get groceries. I ended up spending a lot more time than I wanted to grocery shopping because I found this book:
I was intrigued by it because it said "clean" and I just wanted to hear what he had to say. While I was browsing it, I realized that it was some kind of "2 juices and one solid" type of diet that you go on...and, well...the jury's out on how I feel about those kinds of things, but I lean toward thinking it's probably not that great for you.
No matter, I already have a plan, I just wanted to read a little bit of the book. And so I did.
I came across a snippet that talked about Self-Mastery. I wish I could remember exactly what it was that intrigued me about it, but it was a pretty moving couple of pages that talked about COMPLAINING. Initially, it talked about complaining about your diet, and then it talked about complaining in general and how it's toxic to your system, yourself. I have yet to decide if all complaining is toxic, but I can tell you that complaining about your diet is destructive.
As I read it, I realized that I had been complaining to myself about my diet, and it's actually the first (maybe second) step in going OFF your diet. So, let me see if I can recreate this sentiment here...No, I'm too tired, I can't.
What I can do is tell you what it did for me. I realized that I have been making my diet something to suffer through for the past week or two. At first, I was white-knuckle gung-ho about it, but lately, I've been losing my grip on my focus, and I've been feeling a stronger urge to cheat. I feel myself being SO attached to my old ways of eating that I keep thinking, "Why can't I just go back to that, when I could eat whatever I wanted???" Cognitively I know why, but in the moment, I seem to forget all those negative feelings I left behind when I started eating clean. After I read this piece about self-mastery and how complaining about your diet destroys it, I really felt a massive shift within myself.
I knew that I had been focusing on what I couldn't eat, as opposed to focusing on what I DO eat, and how it makes me feel, but I didn't grasp that it was having a detrimental effect on my ability to stay on my diet.
I've always known that feelings are the products of the thoughts that we think. And we have control of the thoughts that we think. So if I think, "Oh my god, why can't I just dive into a Five Guys burger and fries right now?" I'll have feelings of deprivation, frustration, and wanting. There is another trick to dealing with this kind of thought (if you have it), which is to mentally go there. Imagine walking into the Five Guys Restaurant, ordering your burger, finding a table, and sitting down to eat. You begin to eat the burger with ketchup, pickles, cheese, and lettuce, and the first bite is AMAZING. You can hardly chew and swallow fast enough for the second bite. You hungrily get through maybe 5 super-human-sized bites of the burger before you decide it's time to try some fries (with the malt vinegar, of course! maybe even some ketchup!), and anyway, you walk yourself through the whole meal (because your brain doesn't know the difference between doing it and imagining it-SCIENCE!-and then you imagine having a heaping pile of those same burgers to your left, and a heaping pile of fries to your right, and you can eat until you're not interested anymore. And even then, those burgers will follow you around so you can have more literally any time you want.
This little exercise is something I learned about via Martha Beck in her book:
It's called creating "abundance brain". Much of our urge to overeat comes from us living in "deprivation brain": I'll never have this again! I better eat as much as I can because I don't know when I'll do this again. It works for everything. When you think/live in terms of deprivation, you make life much harder. When you think in terms of abundance, all of sudden, you're free to do things and open doors for yourself. It's hard to explain in a couple of sentences. Just get the book. It's one you read several times anyway. Long story short, Martha's book taught me all kinds of tricks about having the mental strength to make big changes in your lifestyle. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this book, it's definitely in my top ten, because it's about so much more than weight loss. It's about eliminating things from your life that make you unhappy to make room for things that make you happy!
Anyway, I hadn't heard this particular theory before about complaining...well not in so many words. And, my point is, I totally got it. Stop complaining. Just stop it. Try to stop complaining about anything, but at least stop complaining about your diet. Look at it in a more positive light. Take the time to enjoy the food you ARE eating, not fantasize about what you're NOT eating.
As I did that, I felt my death-grip loosen on my old habits. I began to feel like, "Hey. I totally CAN do this forever! I am USED TO not eating bread!"
Anyway, second awesome thing that I did today was go dress shopping. I wanted to find a cute dress for this party that I was going to for a couple of friends who are leaving town (and totally support my blog! Thanks!). So, I went to Ross's, because I have a kitten now, and I really cannot pay $50 for a dress. I was hoping to find one for 5.99, but no such luck.
I'm so impatient, I want to put them online now, but can't find pictures. Plus, I want to take pictures of myself in them! So, this was a first. I actually tried on dresses and LIKED WHAT I SAW! So. I bought two dresses, one pair of sandals, a lacy over the back and arms kind of thing and underwear, all for about $86. If my kitty appointment costs anymore than the $40 my coworker gave me, I'm thinking I'll have to return something, if not everything.
But I don't know why I felt the need to include that. I feel guilty for buying myself stuff because it came to $86, and I don't know if I can afford it. On the flip side, I have exactly 2 summer dresses. One I wear all the time because it's black, and one I've worn once to a wedding because the cleavage area is hard for me to figure out. I should invest in a tanktop or something. I just saw myself in these dresses and thought, "Yes! This is how I want to spend my summer being 31! In cute dresses! Even if I only have 2!"
It was such an awesome reward to be trying on clothes that made me feel attractive!
So...tomorrow when I take pictures, I'll take pictures of myself wearing these dresses.
Anyway, moving on. I was only heading home when I was supposed to be going to this party. Oops. So I quickly ate my 3rd meal, slapped on some makeup and (kitty made life hard for me while I did all that), and finally got out the door by 6:30pm or so.
Because I didn't think I'd get there until about 2 hours after the party started, I was really rushing to get out the door. I didn't think I had time to pack my food...not to mention I had no idea if they were going to be grilling or what, and I didn't know how acceptable it would be to bring my own food. All of this could have been solved with a phone call to Monica today or yesterday, but of course, I didn't think of that. And I didn't bring any food, thinking I would wing it.
I was so relieved because when I got there, the third thing Monica and Joe said after, "Oh my god, you're here! I missed you!" was, "I know you can't eat most of this food, but we totally have veggies!" Right off the bat, support for eating clean (and now I know I totally could have brought my turkey burger!)...that was awesome. It really and truly helps keep you on your path when there are people cheering you on.
My other thought was, "I don't know how long this party will last, I'll probably be home in time to eat my last meal." I don't know why I thought that. I haven't seen Joe and Monica (I used to work with them) in AGES, so of course there was catching up to do, and there was plenty going on at the party to keep everybody entertained. So, after awhile, I realize that if I don't eat SOME form of protein, I'm going to miss my last two protein servings of the day.
My choices were: a beef burger (no idea of the food label, % of fat, what the cow ate) or the turkey hot dogs (which had a label and had corn syrup in them). So, I chose the burger. No bun. No ketchup. Just exactly how I would have eaten my turkey burger, but not a very clean protein.
But that's kind of ok, because I didn't lose my cool, I made the best choice I could without feeling deprived or tortured or any kind of bad. And that's what life is going to look like from here on out. I also ate my weight in vegetables and had a few (dozen) strawberries.
With all of this, I have to say, Joe stopped what he was doing to cook for (just) me, since he had asked me if I wanted a burger earlier and I said no. So, I am in no way complaining about the food. I totally do not expect people to have food for me. I usually bring my own. I was however, absolutely grateful for their support and willingness to cook for me after I initially said, "No, I don't want a burger, I can't eat that."
But that was the last thing I ate...and then I got to my car and realized that JUST FOR OCCASIONS LIKE THIS, I put an "emergency protein shake" in my car. And totally forgot I had it.
But, now it's off to bed because I have a race with Paula tomorrow at 8am!
And lesson learned for the day: Always bring your own food. The worst they can say is no, and then you can go with Plan B. Which I haven't developed yet. Because I suspect most people will let me eat my own food.
Anyway, so I got up and made myself breakfast, and I did something...oh, I went to get groceries. I ended up spending a lot more time than I wanted to grocery shopping because I found this book:
No matter, I already have a plan, I just wanted to read a little bit of the book. And so I did.
I came across a snippet that talked about Self-Mastery. I wish I could remember exactly what it was that intrigued me about it, but it was a pretty moving couple of pages that talked about COMPLAINING. Initially, it talked about complaining about your diet, and then it talked about complaining in general and how it's toxic to your system, yourself. I have yet to decide if all complaining is toxic, but I can tell you that complaining about your diet is destructive.
As I read it, I realized that I had been complaining to myself about my diet, and it's actually the first (maybe second) step in going OFF your diet. So, let me see if I can recreate this sentiment here...No, I'm too tired, I can't.
What I can do is tell you what it did for me. I realized that I have been making my diet something to suffer through for the past week or two. At first, I was white-knuckle gung-ho about it, but lately, I've been losing my grip on my focus, and I've been feeling a stronger urge to cheat. I feel myself being SO attached to my old ways of eating that I keep thinking, "Why can't I just go back to that, when I could eat whatever I wanted???" Cognitively I know why, but in the moment, I seem to forget all those negative feelings I left behind when I started eating clean. After I read this piece about self-mastery and how complaining about your diet destroys it, I really felt a massive shift within myself.
I knew that I had been focusing on what I couldn't eat, as opposed to focusing on what I DO eat, and how it makes me feel, but I didn't grasp that it was having a detrimental effect on my ability to stay on my diet.
I've always known that feelings are the products of the thoughts that we think. And we have control of the thoughts that we think. So if I think, "Oh my god, why can't I just dive into a Five Guys burger and fries right now?" I'll have feelings of deprivation, frustration, and wanting. There is another trick to dealing with this kind of thought (if you have it), which is to mentally go there. Imagine walking into the Five Guys Restaurant, ordering your burger, finding a table, and sitting down to eat. You begin to eat the burger with ketchup, pickles, cheese, and lettuce, and the first bite is AMAZING. You can hardly chew and swallow fast enough for the second bite. You hungrily get through maybe 5 super-human-sized bites of the burger before you decide it's time to try some fries (with the malt vinegar, of course! maybe even some ketchup!), and anyway, you walk yourself through the whole meal (because your brain doesn't know the difference between doing it and imagining it-SCIENCE!-and then you imagine having a heaping pile of those same burgers to your left, and a heaping pile of fries to your right, and you can eat until you're not interested anymore. And even then, those burgers will follow you around so you can have more literally any time you want.
This little exercise is something I learned about via Martha Beck in her book:
Anyway, I hadn't heard this particular theory before about complaining...well not in so many words. And, my point is, I totally got it. Stop complaining. Just stop it. Try to stop complaining about anything, but at least stop complaining about your diet. Look at it in a more positive light. Take the time to enjoy the food you ARE eating, not fantasize about what you're NOT eating.
As I did that, I felt my death-grip loosen on my old habits. I began to feel like, "Hey. I totally CAN do this forever! I am USED TO not eating bread!"
Anyway, second awesome thing that I did today was go dress shopping. I wanted to find a cute dress for this party that I was going to for a couple of friends who are leaving town (and totally support my blog! Thanks!). So, I went to Ross's, because I have a kitten now, and I really cannot pay $50 for a dress. I was hoping to find one for 5.99, but no such luck.
I'm so impatient, I want to put them online now, but can't find pictures. Plus, I want to take pictures of myself in them! So, this was a first. I actually tried on dresses and LIKED WHAT I SAW! So. I bought two dresses, one pair of sandals, a lacy over the back and arms kind of thing and underwear, all for about $86. If my kitty appointment costs anymore than the $40 my coworker gave me, I'm thinking I'll have to return something, if not everything.
But I don't know why I felt the need to include that. I feel guilty for buying myself stuff because it came to $86, and I don't know if I can afford it. On the flip side, I have exactly 2 summer dresses. One I wear all the time because it's black, and one I've worn once to a wedding because the cleavage area is hard for me to figure out. I should invest in a tanktop or something. I just saw myself in these dresses and thought, "Yes! This is how I want to spend my summer being 31! In cute dresses! Even if I only have 2!"
It was such an awesome reward to be trying on clothes that made me feel attractive!
So...tomorrow when I take pictures, I'll take pictures of myself wearing these dresses.
Anyway, moving on. I was only heading home when I was supposed to be going to this party. Oops. So I quickly ate my 3rd meal, slapped on some makeup and (kitty made life hard for me while I did all that), and finally got out the door by 6:30pm or so.
Because I didn't think I'd get there until about 2 hours after the party started, I was really rushing to get out the door. I didn't think I had time to pack my food...not to mention I had no idea if they were going to be grilling or what, and I didn't know how acceptable it would be to bring my own food. All of this could have been solved with a phone call to Monica today or yesterday, but of course, I didn't think of that. And I didn't bring any food, thinking I would wing it.
I was so relieved because when I got there, the third thing Monica and Joe said after, "Oh my god, you're here! I missed you!" was, "I know you can't eat most of this food, but we totally have veggies!" Right off the bat, support for eating clean (and now I know I totally could have brought my turkey burger!)...that was awesome. It really and truly helps keep you on your path when there are people cheering you on.
My other thought was, "I don't know how long this party will last, I'll probably be home in time to eat my last meal." I don't know why I thought that. I haven't seen Joe and Monica (I used to work with them) in AGES, so of course there was catching up to do, and there was plenty going on at the party to keep everybody entertained. So, after awhile, I realize that if I don't eat SOME form of protein, I'm going to miss my last two protein servings of the day.
My choices were: a beef burger (no idea of the food label, % of fat, what the cow ate) or the turkey hot dogs (which had a label and had corn syrup in them). So, I chose the burger. No bun. No ketchup. Just exactly how I would have eaten my turkey burger, but not a very clean protein.
But that's kind of ok, because I didn't lose my cool, I made the best choice I could without feeling deprived or tortured or any kind of bad. And that's what life is going to look like from here on out. I also ate my weight in vegetables and had a few (dozen) strawberries.
With all of this, I have to say, Joe stopped what he was doing to cook for (just) me, since he had asked me if I wanted a burger earlier and I said no. So, I am in no way complaining about the food. I totally do not expect people to have food for me. I usually bring my own. I was however, absolutely grateful for their support and willingness to cook for me after I initially said, "No, I don't want a burger, I can't eat that."
But that was the last thing I ate...and then I got to my car and realized that JUST FOR OCCASIONS LIKE THIS, I put an "emergency protein shake" in my car. And totally forgot I had it.
But, now it's off to bed because I have a race with Paula tomorrow at 8am!
And lesson learned for the day: Always bring your own food. The worst they can say is no, and then you can go with Plan B. Which I haven't developed yet. Because I suspect most people will let me eat my own food.
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