Week 6, Day 3. Great day today!

Well, I responded really well, is what I SHOULD say. I got pretty interrupted sleep last night, so around 2pm today I wanted nothing more than a bottle of wine, a couch, and bad tv.  All to myself.

I kept wondering how I could get those things without hurting my goal of seeing my belly muscles.

No magic here. I just waited it out. If I had a kale shake, I would have drank it, but I didn't. So I ate my meal on time. Chicken and vegetables.

Both the food I ate and the choice to eat it (instead of Dunkin Donuts) made me feel better emotionally and physically. But I STILL had a workout class I wanted to attend. I get a lot out of group workouts and tonight Kerry taught because Any was out of town.

After eating well AND working out when I would have rather collapsed and drank my face off, I'm feeling pretty good!

Tomorrow's my birthday, but I'm not really celebrating until after I get back from Harrisburg on Friday. My cheat day/meal will be on Sunday this week, I think.

Anyway. Bed time.

Week 7, Day 1. Cheat day!

I went through lots of temptation this weekend. Went home to see my mom and brother and Alisha and the baby...managed to eat clean! Except my brother had potato chips and I ate a few, but walked away.

I brought my own food so that I would not be at the mercy of what was available. That was a good thing.

My mom is also learning a lot about nutrition, and that helps a lot. It helps to surround yourself with people who have similar goals.

Anyway, today I had Chick-fil-a...and I drank the milkshake first...that was a mistake. It made me feel so overloaded with sugar I actually left work at 2pm and slept until 730pm.

At that point, I got up and went to Wegman's for a sub and potato chips that I  could indulge in!  Yummy. I also had mac and cheese and an I've cream sandwich. Not TONS of foods though. I ate 1/3 of the sub, a little bag of potato chips, some mac and cheese, you get the picture. I was paying attention to how full I was feeling.

Now I am totally ready to eat clean again.

I'm feeling really THIRSTY and tired. Must have been a lot of salt in that food, and I must have with myself out this weekend. So, I'm gonna read my book and fall asleep.

It's Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, and a total page turner. I'm pretty excited about the alone time.

I've got intervals to do before breakfast tomorrow, so hopefully I can get all rested. Good night.

Week 6, Day 5. I did great today!

Numbers are still going down and Amy has told me umpteen thousand times that weighing myself every day is probably going to lead to frustration, so I'm going to stop doing it, because I think she's right.

My new, more reliable measurement is trying on a pair of pants that are a little too small.

I had a great lifting session around 6pm tonight. I did squats/pushups, lunges/bicep curls, dead lifts (40lbs, 25 reps, 2sets)/chest press (40lbs, 12reps, 2sets), arabesques/pushups, tricep (stuff? Squatted and bent at the hips, 45° angle, put arms out behind me with 5lb weights, lifted til I couldn't do it anymore 2sets), calf raises, straight/medial/vfeet, pullups.

Then I came home and ate an egg white (one yolk) omelet cooked in coconut oil, a handful of nuts,  and some lightly cooked cabbage.

It's past bedtime, but I'm watching Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Hope it's good.

Week 6, Day 4. Busy day.

So, I woke up today with this schedule:
9am horse lesson
10:30am Be at work
11:15am Leave work for PSU job
2pm Arrive back at work, work til 9:30pm

I woke up tired. I weighed myself. 134.0. Same as yesterday.

*Sigh*

Had fleeting thoughts of giving up, then realized I totally wouldn't.

Didn't feel like going to the barn because I was feeling like it would tire me out. And I was already tired. And had to work for the foreseeable future.

But I went! And it was so Great! Beyond what I expected!  It changed the tone for the rest of my day and I ended up having a kick ass day.

I followed my plan, and I'm going to bed pretty hungry. I'm hoping I lose more weight than .6lbs this week. I work WAY too hard for that!

This is DEFINITELY inspiring me to eat 2 cheat meals next time, if I don't lose a significant amount of weight this week. IT WAS SO HARD TO TELL MYSELF NO!

Ah, then again, I know I won't make a move without Amy's go ahead. I'm just have to trust that tomorrow the scale will move.

Week 6, Day 3. Having doubts I messed up my cheat day because things are different!

So, I woke up this morning and weighed 134.6...only .6 pounds lighter than the day I weighed in after my cheat meal. I'm thinking, "WTF? I only ate ONE cheat meal, it was midday, AND I was meticulous about only eating half!" Half of the steak, half of the sweet potato fries, and half of the mashed potatoes! I also had a caesar salad, but I think I are half of that too.

Normally there's a sharp rise in numbers the day after a cheat meal and a pretty steady downward trend for 5 or 6 days afterward. I was really surprised that I wasn't back to 132.6 already. And a little concerned. It took SO.  MUCH.  RESTRAINT. to CHOOSE to ask for Amy's help. I don't want it to all be for nothing. Or worse, to have GAINED weight.

See, because intervals work their best to burn fat after you've depleted your grehlin hormone and then do intervals.

But Amy assured me I did a great job on my cheating. To be honest, part of me was HOPING I didn't eat enough, because that would mean that the NEXT time I felt like that, it would mean that I could go to Chick-fil-a guilt-free. Kind of.

Anyway, I had awesome amounts of energy today. I got a lot done, so that's got to be a good sign, right?

I took Amy's class and gave it my personal best. I've really got to start taking my iron supplements again, because I'm starting to think that my legs fatigue so quickly because mt blood is thin.

Or, maybe I'm normal and think no one else's legs get tired.

I did, however, vow to myself that instead of quitting because I think I might fall, that I let myself fall instead. So many times, I think, "This hurts, I can't do it!" And I give myself a break because it's painful and I think my leg is going to fatigue and fall out from under me. So, instead, I've noticed that voice and waited to fall.

I definitely have lost my balance several times in class. So...looks like I need some iron in my life. Anyway, I'm up too late because we had our fun coaching session tonight. Tonight we identified survival mechanisms, and it inspired me to rework my budget. Pretty fun stuff.

Week 6, Day 2. Thanking my lucky stars.

I am so thankful today that I talked to Amy last night when I wanted to eat Chick-fil-a out of house and home. I have no regrets about what I ate for my cheat day, and only weighed in one pound heavier and wasn't up all night with indigestion or guilt.

I had a full day today. I did manage to get up at 6am. I did my intervals.  Five on the elliptical, give on the stairmill. But, committing to getting up that early means giving up extended dreamtime. I really enjoy relishing in my dreamland state, and I wish I could have slower starts in the morning, but there's too much that I want to do.

Ooooh. That could be my one day a week reward!

Anyway, I feel super skinny and better prepared to deal with another massive craving/attack.

Now I've got to go to bed.
Up early again tomorrow.

Week 6, Day 1. The pattern that plagues me.

Right now, it's 7:59pm. I just chugged a kale shake and are a piece of ezekiel bread with butter after eating shrimp pan-fried in butter.

I desperately wanted to be at Chick-fil-a instead. I only drank the shake after the 2% of me that was left clinging to my weight-loss goal after getting ravenous, over-tired, and stressed with a headache decided to text Amy. 

This decision was not  popular with the other 98% of me that wanted to get in the car, drive on auto pilot, and eat the Chick-fil-a inside the store, as soon as humanly possible...deal with the consequences later.

Consequences meaning: I will not shed one sorry pound this week. I might even gain if I eat at chick-fil-a this late.

I knew if I talked to Amy, I would be kissing Chick-fil-a goodbye (which I should anyway because they discriminate...see how little restraint I have!?! That's a joke. I know I have lots of restraint, but when it's gone, it's GAWN.) and  you see, 98% of me really REALLY wanted the Chick-fil-a.

I literally sighed in defeat in my chair in the kitchen and texted Amy. Told her I was about to go to Chick-fil-a and didn't want to tell her because she would be able to stop me.

Not the same as MAKING me stop. Let me make that clear. I knew Amy would say or do something that would make it possible for me to steer out of this warp-spasm urge, but also to return to the place where I remember that I have a goal I work VERY hard for.

But, during an overwhelming urge, you don't have access to that part of your brain. You don't FEEL that way, so you don't CARE what it wants. You want to satisfy what's bothering you RIGHT NOW.

The only reason I was able to call is that I have turned a corner in understanding that it's not WHO I AM that has prevented weight loss progress, it's WHAT I DO.

I REALLY want to come out on the other side and know that...holy shit, I really am capable! That was really hard, and I effing did it.

Amy called and...just talking to her I feel more in control. She gave me permission to go to Chick-fil-a. She talked about there being no good or bad choices with diet. Just what is. If you eat this, you get that. Period.

Then she said (since I already ate 10 shrimp pan-fried in butter...not NEARLY as awesome as it sounds, btw) to have a kale shake and a little reward and that the craving would pass.

I had forgotten that. Probably because the shrimp actually made the craving more intense.

But here's the thing. I frequently get over-tired, and I know I'm not special, here, plenty of people do.

The thing is that when I get over-tired, I overeat, especially at chick-fil-a because they have awesome milkshakes that top off fried chicken and waffle fries like no other. I knew if I could interrupt this pattern JUST ONCE!!! I would move onto the nect level of weight loss capability.

And, I did it. I'll celebrate by buying myself a workout shirt. I actually can't believe that I finally had a cheat day where I can truly say, I felt in control.

I should be excited, but I'm still super tired, so I'm gonna end my hunger misery. I'm still hungry, but it's not as intense, and I WANT to be a little hungry when I go to bed, I'll sleep better. Anyway, reading and falling asleep will be a totally different pattern for me.

I hope I hope I hope I see results from foregoing this late craving. This is the first cheat day that I've truly only had one cheat meal...and dessert.

I'm looking toward bikini season with a hopeful eye.